It Wasnt My Fault (DNF)

Part 2: Chapter 32

George pov

I crashed into my bedroom, halfheartedly attempting to slam the door.

Overwhelmed.

Overthinking.

Over.

And over.

Thoughts replayed.

Events replayed.

Sequences replayed.

I was being pulled into Clay's hold.

I was ten years old with Ken on a hill at the park.

Someone was whispering in my ear.

I was thirteen, going to the coffee shop with Ken.

Someone's hand was in my hair.

I was sixteen, in the coffee shop with Clay.

There was a drop of liquid, joining its predecessors in a pool of watery substances, and everything that was real came rushing back.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm okay!" I was screaming.

My knees dug into the carpet, cushioning me as I bent over on the floor, when did I get there?

I couldn't hear anything, everything was muffled by the sobs I instinctively tried to keep quiet.

I wasn't fine, but the words were all too easy to utter that they broke through my lips without a second thought.

I wasn't okay, but such a small word was usually able to fill in the gap of a pain that was much larger, hiding it temporarily from the view of my loved ones until I could break down in my lonesome.

I was a liar.

There were waves in my stomach, a hurricane in my heart. The acids of my stomach were washing over the small amount of food I had consumed at a sickening pace, thrashing around the walls of my abdomen as a storm raged somewhere above.

It was repulsive, the amount of lies I'd told before.

It was disgusting, the way I couldn't stop them flowing out of my lips now.

It was unfathomable, the amount of struggle that came with letting a truth rip it's way off of my chest after years of being kept there, bound by the ivy that was the falsehoods keeping it safe.

I could feel everything.

And it was terrifying.

The carpet was soft, but so much so that I was scared I'd fall through.

The walls were a calming grey, but as the clouds rolled in, they turned near black, like my dreams contorted to nightmares.

The bed was beside me, but the sight of it made me horrified at the prospect of containing myself to its hold.

"George, darling, please listen. Can you hear me?" A voice.

It brought me back.

The rush of love I felt at the whispers rushed into my chest with such force, causing me to fall slack in Clay's arms.

I was letting loose much more controlled sobs now, crying my insecurities into the void of thoughts that wrapped around my otherwise blank mind.

"Clay, I'm so sorry. I've lied to you so much... and I... I can't stop. I've been lying s-so long... all my life I've been lying for other people. For the past two years I've been lying for someone who's dead... but I don't want to lie to you, but lies slip out without my consent. I want to stop it..."

I was crying, but Dream did nothing. He held me tight, he kissed my head, he shushed me as much voice raised with exasperation, but he said nothing.

Perhaps it was better that way.

"I- my parents were abusive... I remember being two, my dad dropped glass and blamed me, I was playing int the living room, and my mummy started screaming st me. She was always..." tears leaked out of my eyes slower now as I closed them.

"Always screaming. My dad, always beating me. And my stepfather too. I had two fathers at once,. They were always fighting.." the memories, unbidden, clouded my mind as I spilled their contents, feeling the freedom of speech granted to me at last.

"They beat me, they were the same... yet they were always fighting. Everyone always shouting, unspeakable things happening in open rooms just because my mum managed to get her hands on one of my dads, causing more bruising from the latter's anger later being taken out on my body."

Dream was sniffling quietly now.

"Ken was my best friend. He was the only one. He moved us out, got us away, away from their large network that would've sold us back into torture.

"And for a shining two years, we were happy.

"I guess Ken had Astro... and I had Ken when he wasn't working..." I smile, thinking back to a time that didnt cross my mind much.

"Then there were two years of dread.

"I want-ed to kill myself." my voice cracked as I nearly forgot to place the past tense on my sentence structure, another lie that slipped undetected into a truth.

"I had no one. I didnt want a ghost. I wanted a hug from someone real.

"Then I got you..."

We're silent as the recounts of our time together brought smiles to our faces.

I leaned into the embrace I had been graced with.

I sigh, finally feeling at peace.

Peace without the 'last'.

Without my last goodbye.

Without my last 'I love you'.

Without my last breath.

If I couldn't be told the truth, I would offer it to the world.

We sat there for a while, happy, before Astro enters the room.

He looked heavy, weighed down with what seemed like a truth that rivaled my own.

And his mouth moved in indiscernible shapes, readying itself for a spill of confessions.

Despite the time it was taking for him to utter his first words of fessing, I remained patient.

I'd waited for truth for so long, it came with ease, the resting of my head and closing of my eyes as I prepared for a story untainted by lies to be spilled.

However, in this time, that which would be muttered yet for the time being remained unspoken, say unbeknownst to me as the key to a rage I didnt know I possessed the lock to.

Inside of me would be unleashed a monster that would unfurl from my chest, its influence maintaining control over my limbs as I succumbed to hate.

I didn't know what the sandy-haired man before me had to profess, but what it was came to be a shock.

Taking a final deep breath, Astro finally spoke.

"I was there when he died... and it's all my fault. Ken is dead because of my stupidity and I so, so sorry."

I'm doin it again!

Writing in the ungodly hours, woo!

We're actually getting through Part 2 quickly.

We've only got abt 28 chapters to go.

I've enjoyed writing this book..

Anyways...

Much luv 🫶

I care about you.

You all make up such a great community, despite its minuscule size.

1047 words