Inevitable

Chapter 84

As I suspected, Henry brought us to our spot. Since it was still summer, the sun was beating down hard on us as we trekked through the woods. We sat on our rock and ate our tacos in silence. There really wasn't anything else to say. After we were done with our food, Henry dragged me into his lap and buried his head in my neck. Featherlight kisses peppered the spot behind my ear. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and dug my hands into his hair. We sat there holding onto each other like our lives depended on it. Neither of us wanting to let go. But time wouldn't stop for us. The sun started to dip in the sky and Henry would need to leave soon. A feeling of dread overtook me. What if this was it for us? What if Henry never came back to me?

The thought hit me like a wrecking ball and for a moment, I couldn't breath. I knew what I needed to do. I didn't want to but I just didn't see any other way. I wasn't okay. I was more unhappy than I've ever been. And Henry needed to focus completely on this record. I would be a distraction. This situation wasn't fair to either one of us.

I had come to the same realization four months ago. Whether it was timing or our histories or outside forces, Henry and I didn't really work. If we lived in a bubble, maybe. But we lived in the real world. And right now, we couldn't be together. We needed to go our separate ways and fulfill our dreams and have adventures. And maybe one day, we could find our way back to each other.

I didn't realize I was crying until Henry pulled his head back from my neck and wiped away a tear with his thumb. And then he kissed both my cheeks and then my mouth. It was soft and gentle and made my heart break into a million pieces. I don't think I would ever find this again. This all consuming love that came out of nowhere and made me feel cherished and beautiful. I had to do it now. We were running out of time.

"Henry, I need to say something." He was leaning his head on my forehead but pulled back to look me in the eyes. Those eyes. The first thing I noticed about him. The color of a crisp fall sky. I was shattering inside. I loved this man so much and it was killing me that I was going to lose him.

"Henry I think....I know it would be best....if we ..." I was having trouble speaking because the tears were coming fast and furious. I didn't want to do this. It was going to destroy both of us. But trying to make a relationship work in our current situation would end up ruining what we had. I didn't want to end up hating Henry. And I was afraid that that is exactly what would happen.

"I know baby, this is killing me too. I don't want to leave you." Henry tried to soothe me. He thought I was crying because he had to leave. I had to make him understand that breaking up was for the best.

"Henry we need to break up." I finally just spit it out. Henry's face transformed from pain and sadness to shock and maybe a little anger.

"What the fuck are you talking about Em? I thought this was settled. I promised I would do better this time." He was definitely angry. I expected it. I wasn't acting like someone who wanted to break up.

"I don't think I can do this anymore. And it's not your fault! I need you to understand that. I'm not mad at you. You need to go back to New York and live your dream and not have to worry about us anymore. It's really what is best for both of us. You see that, right? Please tell me you do." I was desperate for him to understand. I didn't want him to leave upset.

"Where is this coming from Em? A minute ago, we were on the same page. Both of us willing to do whatever it takes to make things work and now you want to break up? You're giving up without even trying. You can't do this to me again. You can't just decide it's what is best for the both of us. I have a say!" He wasn't going to make this easy for me.

"I know and I'm so sorry. This has been so hard for me and I've tried to keep it from you. To keep it from everyone because I felt selfish. But I deserve to be happy. And so do you. And you deserve to be a successful musician and to make an amazing record that everyone buys and they play all your songs on the radio. And I deserve to have an amazing junior year of college with my friends and get closer to getting my degree and becoming a social worker." I grabbed his face and looked directly in his eyes to make sure he heard the next thing I said.

"We are on two different paths. And that's okay. We have our whole lives in front of us. Maybe our paths will cross again but right now, we need to go our own ways." His eyes were shiny as he tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. I think I got through to him and I think he agreed. And now we were both having our hearts shattered. He pulled me to him hard and buried his head again in my neck. I felt him shaking as he let himself fall apart in my arms.

There was no more argument from Henry. He cried for a few minutes and then pulled away. He silently lifted me off his lap and stood up. He looked out over the waterfall and I got myself up and just stood next to him. I had no idea what would come next for us.