Inevitable

The Point of No Return

"Okay. Let's go up to my room."

He followed me into the building. I couldn't help but notice that he wasn't touching me. We took the elevator up to my floor in silence. I was getting more and more scared by the second. I hated that I did something to make him this upset. I should have told him about my dinner with Liam from the very start. When we got into my room, he turned to me and said,

"I know you were with Liam last night. Why didn't you tell me? I had to hear it from fucking Melissa!"

"Melissa! How did she know? That bitch!"

"That's not the point Em! You hid this from me on purpose. And it makes me wonder why you kept it a secret. Are you hooking up with him?"

"No! How could you even think that? I love you Henry. Liam is just a friend. I didn't tell you about having dinner with him because I knew it would upset you and we only have a little bit of time left. I didn't want anything to ruin it."

"You told me you were going to stay away from him. And two days later you are going out with him. What the fuck Em? He wants you and he wants to break us up and you are making it easy for him."

"No, he apologized for trying to kiss me and said he's going to stop trying to come between us and just be my friend."

"And you believed him? God that's like the oldest trick in the book."

"Well I guess you would know."

I regretted it as soon as I said it. We had moved past all of that and I just threw it in his face. He jumped back a little at the harshness of my words.

"I'm sorry Henry. I didn't mean that."

"Yes you did. And you're not wrong. But I was trying to be better. I was trying to be completely open and honest with you. But you couldn't do the same for me."

"I was going to tell you when I saw you in person. I'm so sorry. I should have been honest."

"Maybe you should be with someone like him. It makes a lot more sense than you and I."

"What are you talking about Henry? Who cares if we make sense or not? We love each other. That's all that matters."

"I don't know. We have all these issues because we are so different. I think I need to take a beat and figure some shit out."

He ran his hand through his hair and turned around to walk out the door.

"Wait, don't leave. Let's talk about this."

"I don't want to say anything I'll regret so it's best if I leave now."

I wanted to stop him but I was frozen in place. After the door closed and he was gone, I stood in the same spot for a very long time. Our trust issues were getting worse not better. I knew this was all my fault. I should have trusted in Henry to be able to handle the truth.
     After the shock of our fight, the sobs came. I collapsed on my bed and fell apart. I loved him so much. I can't believe I screwed up so badly. After what he told me about his mom, I promised myself I would do everything I could to protect his heart. And I already betrayed him. I knew I had to fix this. But Henry wanted some space. This hurt so bad.
    I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up it was completely dark in my room. My phone said it was 2am. I was hoping to have a text from Henry but there was nothing. The painful memory of our fight came back and consumed me. I couldn't lose him. He was everything to me. I didn't care how late it was. I decided to call him. His phone rang a few times until he finally picked up. I heard loud music in the background.

"Well if it isn't my perfect girlfriend. What are you doing up still? Doesn't the good little college student have class in the morning?"

He was drunk. He was slurring his words. I decided to ignore his attempt at insulting me.

"Henry where are you? I was hoping we could talk."

I heard girls in the background laughing and Henry was trying to shush them unsuccessfully.

"Why don't you go talk to Liam? I'm busy."

"You're drunk and upset but please don't do this. Don't push me away."

"I'm not doing anything. You're the one keeping secrets from me. I wonder what else you're keeping from me."

"There's nothing else."

"I don't believe you. O well! I gotta go and get back to my friends. Bye Em."

He hung up before I could say anything else. I felt like I was going to throw up even though my stomach was empty. He was drunk and hanging out with other girls. I started to panic thinking about all the things that might happen. How did we get here? O yeah, I went out to dinner with the guy trying to come between us and kept it from Henry. I had no one to blame but myself.
    I never went back to sleep. I cried a lot and tossed and turned till the sun came up. I felt and looked like hell. I decided to just ready for the day since there was no way I was going back to sleep. I walked over to the dining hall to grab some toast. My stomach was still upset but I needed to eat something so I wouldn't pass out during my classes.
      After I ate, I just walked around campus for a while until my first class. I felt lost. I broke something between Henry and I and I didn't know how to fix it. I sat through my two morning classes but I wasn't really present. I couldn't focus on anything my professors were saying.
    At lunch time, instead of getting something to eat, I just went back to my room and crawled back into bed. I debated on whether or not to text Henry. It was his birthday.

"Happy 21st Birthday! I know we aren't in a good place right now but I still love you. Please call me."

I closed my eyes and waited for a response.