Inevitable

Epilogue

5 years later

I opened my eyes to see I was back in my small bedroom in the apartment I shared with Jess. A moment ago I was back in a different bedroom. I was dreaming of Henry again. It had been a while and I thought maybe it had stopped for good. But he was back haunting me in my sleep. I guess it made sense since he had a new album coming out soon. His third one in 4 years. He was an international superstar whose songs were constantly on the radio and his tour sold out shows all over the world. I was happy for him. Letting him go was the right choice for both of us.

I went through a rough patch immediately after we ended it for good. I almost failed every class I had that first semester of my junior year. But my friends wouldn't let me throw my life away. They helped me pick up the pieces of my broken heart and I managed to bring my grades up enough to save my semester. I graduated on time with my friends and got a job working with kids on the autism spectrum. Jess got a teaching job in the same city as me so we decided to get an apartment together. It's worked out well so far since we have our own rooms and she's not as crazy as she used to be. Her and Nick are still together but doing the long distance thing. He was working in New York City but was always looking for a job to be closer to Jess. I knew when that happened, they would probably get engaged and Jess would move out. But for now, I was lucky to live with my best friend.

My other best friend, Jane, moved in with Bill directly after graduation. They got married last year and are already expecting their first baby. Jane was going to make the best mother and I couldn't wait to be an aunt to her little one. I planned on spoiling him or her rotten. We lived about 3 hours away but Jess and I already had planned on making the drive to visit at least once a month.

As for Liam, shocking no one, he ended up breaking up with Lily about half way through junior year. After a few months, him and I had decided to give us a try. I think it had more to do with both of us being heartbroken and lonely than anything actually real. We were what we both needed at the time but as we both started healing, interest in a relationship dwindled. We mutually agreed we were better off as friends. Unfortunately, things were just too awkward after that so we drifted apart. I keep up with him on social media but we haven't spoken in years. He's engaged now and living in Atlanta. I'm happy for him.

Other than Liam, I haven't tried a relationship with anyone else. I've dated and I went through a phase of just sleeping with a bunch of people to try to forget, but no one has made me feel the way Henry did. When we agreed to break up and he drove me back to my apartment, I made it up to my room before I collapsed on the floor and sobbed. It was hours before I could move. I felt like I was dying. I managed to crawl up to my bed and didn't leave my room for 3 days except to use the bathroom and grab an occasional snack. When I finally rejoined the living, I was numb for a very long time. I probably should have been in therapy but talking about it was too painful. The months after that are all kind of blurry. I wasn't really living. Just surviving.

By summer, the fling I had with Liam had ended and I was ready to go home and just hide from everything. But Henry's first album came out in May and by June it was a hit. I made myself listen to it just to hear his voice again. I probably shouldn't have until I was strong enough to relive everything. Every song was about us. I couldn't even be mad because I gave him permission. But it was like going through the breakup again. All the feelings I tried so hard to ignore for so long we're brought back up. One song in particular called "What could have been" had clearly been written after we broke up. It was just Henry singing and playing the guitar. No other instruments. It wrecked me.
He sang things like "I had to let you go to save what could have been" and "I made promises I couldn't keep and broke us forever."

I almost contacted him. The pain of missing him was too much. My mom saw how much I was struggling and convinced me to go talk to someone. That was the first step to healing. The next step was blocking out everything about him. I hid his name on all social media. I made sure to not listen to anymore of his music. I ignored all of the interviews and appearances he was doing now that he was blowing up. Sometimes it couldn't be avoided so I would hear bits and pieces of what he was up to. He was linked to a lot of famous women but never for long. I knew Nick and Bill were still talking to him but they all knew to not discuss him around me. Eventually, I figured out how to exist in the world without him.