Arise | Jordan Poole

86 | peaceful exchange

Walking hand in hand into therapy felt good. It had been sometime since they saw Dr. Spencer's building but a lot had changed. Not with the building, with them.

Their second round of 60 days was well underway and they were behind on tasks. Understandable why but now they could focus on their journey together. In reality they already were. This experience made them stronger.

"You guys look vibrant." Jordan held the chair out for Amaria so she could sit first. He soon sat after.

"It's been a lot going on but I'm really happy right now." He admitted.

"Yeah, I'm truly trying this thing called being grateful and letting go. I'm at peace today." Amaria agreed.

"Let's get started shall we?"

Dr. Spencer encouraged them to open their journals and review one of their most important entries to themself. Amaria wanted to go first. There was a lot on her chest and she had been dying to share it with the both of them. Mostly Jordan.

Dear Mari,

Who have you become? I sit here wondering if I'm the woman I'm supposed to be or if I'm the woman God wants me to be. I still don't know. Things were starting to make sense. Mom was getting better, Dad was doing better. Finally started to break into my career... found love. But at what cost was it all to be here in this journal and confused. I look in the mirror wondering if I were supposed to be here or I'm just on borrowed time and living to please other people. I hope this makes you wonder just who you are and who you're supposed to be?

Sincerely,
Your confused self.

Amaria read that aloud and neatly placed the book on the table before looking at the other two people in the room.

"I've Thank you for sharing Amaria. Jordan, you're next."

Dear Jordan Anthony,

I've never actually referred to myself as that. Only people that call me that are my mother, grandmother and Amaria. The only people I would allow to call me that. I never thought I would be in therapy for anything simply because I was content with internalizing everything and seeking the answers from within. But my knowledge alone won't get me through life. As a man, I'm learning that observation is just as important as living through experience. I learn a lot by watching others, whether I'm inspired by them or negatively influenced by them. What I can say is, I'm glad I'm here. If I never opened this note pad, I probably would've thought I was better off with just myself as the anchor of my life. I'm accepting that I'm not. To my other self, I hope you learn from me and the ones who I've learned from.

Two up,
The Champ

"What does your letter to yourself say about your initial issues?"

"May I go first?" Jordan asked rolling up his notebook out of nervous habit. Dr. Spencer nodded for him to continue. "I think for me my biggest thing is my level of understanding being the most relevant to me until I use someone else's advice to negatively impact my decisions."

"Explain a little further by using an example."

"Early in my relationship with Amaria, I had doubts based on insecurity, some of which came from listening to what others viewed my predicament as. Of course, I trust my friends but their perception of my stance on relationships affected how they interacted with me. Being as though I used to be negative about commitment, they in turned gave me advice based on what they thought I wanted to hear out of fear of an argument. And I got that cause I used to argue my very wrong point into the ground."

Dr. Spencer wrote a few notes down on what Jordan just shared. "What's your stance now on commitment?"

"I believe that I'm not only capable of it but I'm pro relationship. I was fearful of falling and then being made a fool. I used to hate not having control but I'm not living if I don't allow things to naturally happen."