Paper Memories

Chapter 1-II

Chapter 1-II

Bukod sa sarili ko. May isang tao pa sana akong gusto kong magmamahal rin sa akin. The person who made me hate myself so much because he was my first love. I love him so much, as much as I hate him, all because I am the coward who is too fearful to even begin our love story.

Si Ralph.

Nasa panig ko siya palagi, pero baka dahil sa awa.

"Nasa harap ka na nga ngpinto, hindi mo pa rin makita na may tao pa sa loob?" May malakas kumalabog sa may pintuan na agad nagpa-angat sa ulo ko." Sheena is right there, what do you think you are doing?"

" M-my bad, dude. I d-didn't notice her, okay?"

The heart of the guy being reprimanded right now probably beats as loudly as mine. Mariin lang siyang tinitigin ni Ralph na dumating ng di ko inaasahan." If she needs to leave, she'd leave. Hindi ka member ng club na to, kaya wala kang karapatan magsara ng mga pinto dito."

"Nobody is bullying her, she's just getting what she deserves..."

I heard Ralph cursed, agad akong napatalikod at napapaunas ng mga luha ko. Hinablot ko na din ang cellphone at journal ko para ibulsa. Wala sa tono ni Ralph ang interes na makarining ng dagdag na paliwanag." Leave before I do anything you deserve too."

Then the guy left.

Tumayo na rin ako para maglipit sana ng gamit, inasahan kong aalis na lang din siya at iiwan na lang ako, kaso hindi. He was awaiting by the door, probably contemplating just like me.

I glance at him, then back to my painting.

Ngumiti siya."...Can I come in?"

"Are you done painting? Uuwi ka na ba?" Nang marinig ko ang pagsara ng pinto ay mas nanigas ang katawan ko. It's just him, Ralph. My longtime friend, he's my first love but it's not like he rejects me yet, I should let things stay that way." I can drive you home if you want."

Then he steps closer." For class?"

I forced a smile when I turn to meet him, nakaupo na siya sa vacant seat malapit sa may easel kung saan ako nag-p-pinta. Usually dun umuupo o nilalagay ang mga models or reference. "Just for me, to stay sane ---I want the things I love to be perfect."

"I'll stay for a while, I want to be with you."

"...Aalis din agad ako pag hindi ako nilayasan ng art block. Tingin mo kasi oh, pang-ilang canvas na ang gamit ko, hindi pa rin ako satisfied."

Tumawa siya ng bahagya." Halos blangko nga, umulit ka ba?"

I shrug, it's not like its completely empty. It's a face, it's a silhouette. Bumalik na lang ako sa kinauupuan ko. But I can't help but glance at my living art piece instead; anything I make inspired by him would just be less. "I will try until I'm satisfied with their perfection; if they never become like that, I could just abandon them."

"Abandon them? Forsake them?"

"People need to do that, don't you think?"

His sharp eyes bore through my soul, and his usual domineering voice became softer. Then it hits me harder than before, for while the flawless Ralph could just reject anyone, I have no one that will like me at all. "I would never leave you, Sheena."

Natawa ako." I didn't know this is about us, Ralph..."