Paper Memories

Chapter 30-III

Chapter 30-III

          "Penny for your thoughts, Ate! Kanina mo pa po ako hindi pinapansin." Ricos beamed at me when my eyes is finally on him. Uwian na namin. I look at him like he wanted to, but I can only grimace because of his casted arms.Its from his injury last friday. Akala ko nga hindi siya makakapasok ngayong lunes." San ka na po pupunta, Ate? Wala namang rehearsal diba?"

"Uuwi na. Now, if you'll excuse me..."

"Are you mad Ate Sheena? You can hit me if you want."

"Get out of my way, I don't have time to be mad you. Huwag mo akong kulitin, baliw ka talaga." I snarked at him. Sure, I might have told him to get lost. But I can't touch him to leave. Iniwasan ko na lang siya ng tingin. Pero heto siya at hahabol at iikot depende kung saan ka nakatitig. Baka tingin niya magiging magkabati kami pag sinaktan ko siya." I don't hit anyone. Not even boys. Kahit laro-laro o biro hindi. Kaya tama na, Ricos."

A grin slowly formed in his mouth."Yeah? You don't?"

I sighed, I answered him eye to eye." I don't, Ricos."

"Cervantes! May naghahanap sayo, yung captain ng volleyball team." I was startled when my blockmate called me, and on how Ricos is also pointing at the direction of the door. Nandun si Ellie, kaya mabilis kong kinuha ang bag ko para umalis na. Ricos now fell quiet, while my blockmate still have something to say." Kanina pa yan nakatayo diyan, ayaw ka lang tawagin."

"H-Hi, El... Do you need something?"

"Wanna go to the gymnasium?"

"Ah, sure. Kaso wala naman tao din diba? Do you want to play?" I softly ask her, fumbling on how I should approach her. Lalo na nung isang araw lang ay nadamay siya sa mga pinagagawa ni Ralph. Maybe we're okay now." Is Ralph, going to be there? Pwede bang tayong dalawa lang dun?"

"Tayo lang dun... Forget about Ralph. Gago yun."

"S-sure, sure! But where's the smile of Ellie Mariano?"

"Nandito kaya, ayos lang ako. Kita ko nung isa parang may formal dance na part sa play niyo?" Umangkla si Ellie sa braso ko habang naglakad kami. She looks tired, and as if she cried. "It looks picturesque. Turuan mo ako mamaya pagdating natin sa gym? Napractice mo ba? Kasama ka?"

"I'm one of the bad-bad guys, silly. But, yeah. Alam ko yung sequence."

"What kind of bad guys, Shin?"

"The damned, and the fallen misunderstood."

"Your play is fantasy right? Is it like kingdoms and fairy tales?"

"There's no pretend princes nor princess here.Everyone in the script are the bad guys!" Natatawang paliwanag ko sa panlasa ng director namin. When we're inside the gymnasium I pulled out my playlist so my best friend could feel the ambiance of how we'd dance inside that fantasy world." Hindi nga lang kasama ang role ko sa dancing part na yun, but that is the highlight of our show."

"That's too bad..."

"I'll teach you how to do it, El."

I iniated its start, and bow to her. Then jokingly did a courtsy. I then ask for her hands. Nag-hawak kamay kami habang naghahanap ng tyempong magsimula. But I am bothered by Ellie's expression, hindi ko alam kung ayos na talaga kami." Are the cast humans? Or supernatural creatures and monsters? Yung play ninyo. Gusto ko malaman, magkwento ka, Sheena."

Our feet started moving." Witches, devils, nymphs, beast and so on."

I'm the one who know the dance, it's up to me to take the lead. Pero mabilis matuto ang bestfriend ko, kapag nakabisa niya ng step ay siya naman ang gagawa neto. Magpapalit kami ng posisyon." You see, I don't believe whatever Ralph said to me last Friday. I know how critical he is and how he exaggerate things."

"Alam ko, El. It's just him." I said as we spin.

"Wala akong magawang paniwalaan."

We keep dancing, I made sure nothing with could stop this moment between us. Pinatuloy naming pinagtugma ang galaw namin, parang pilit na pineperpekto at pinapaganda kahit wala namang nanonood." Ayoko ko din sa ganto pero matagal pa bago maayos ang lahat, El."

I spun her around." Shin, paano kung nakakaisip na rin ako ng masama sayo?"

"I'd want to understand where you're coming from, talk things through." Unti-unting nangigingbabaw ang lungkot sa boses niya. The music becoming faster. Damn, I should have choose the the actual piece we'd use for the play. Kaso wala akong copy. " Kung meron man, aalamin ko kung saan ako nagkamali hanggang mapatawad mo ako."

"You'd tell me anything?"

"I would, I'd say the truth."

Ellie's steps is becoming wobbly as we dance." Syempre, hindi tungkol sa issue na inuungkat ni Ralph. Not hearsay nor assumption. I'm asking about something that actually happened."

I was holding her so she won't fall, so we can keep dancing." Nakikinig ako."

Tsk. We can't keep up with music. Bigla niya akong niyakap kaya natumba kami." S-Something happened to my brother. It's Ezekiel. H-He's in trouble. R-Ralph doesn't know this yet. Nung Sabado lang. N-nasa ospital ang kapatid ko, self defense laban sa mga kaaway niyang pinagtulungan siya. P-pero may hindi pa rin ako maitindihan, ipaliwanag mo sakin. Please lang."

I d-don't understand, ano kinalaman ko di-------"

"He almost shot someone, Sheena."

""It's not your fault, the boy made his own deci---------"

"Ezekiel told me you gave him that gun."

"I see, okay...I told you I'd tell the truth. E-Ezekiel said he need help. So I gave him one. But I warned him to not carelessly use it! And he didn't! Ikaw na rin mismo ang nagsabi na self defense yun!" I want to cage my bestfriend on an embrace. Pero bumitaw siya para punusan ang luha niya." Sabi niya pati ikaw at ang mga kuya niya pinagbabantaan na nang mga kaaway niya kaya naibigay ko yun!"

Ellie stared at me sadly." So it's yours, Sheena?"

I can't lost even her. Hinigit ko ang braso niya para makinig siya sa akin." It is, but it's just a gun! It still depend on how I use it, right? Katulad na lang ng kapatid mo, para protektahan ang sarili niya. Pero sorry, hindi agad ako nakaisip ng ibang paraan para matulungan siya. Pero babawi ako, El. Please. I know! I'd handle everything, I'd make the people who assault your brother pay. I'd keep you all safe!"

"I-I don't know if I can believe you..."

"I was trying to help!"

Ellie only look me in horror as she cries. Then I felt somebody staring at us ----Someone is here. I look around. My brain is fucking me up. Hindi ko marinig ng maayos si Ellie" You could have done something else to help him. Alam kong may iba ka namang paraan, pero parang ginawa mo yan para pagdiskatahan ang kapatid ko. I-its as if, you're just trying to figure out how much you could influence others with your schemes."

"That's not true. Why would you think that?"

"May nagawa ba ako Sheena? You did that because that's what could hurt me? Like what you did to others? Yung binibintang sayo ni Ralph? Tama ba si Ralph na maiintindihan ko lang yung iba kapag naranasan ko na yung pang-maninipulate mo, Shin?"

I shook my head." I'm n-not like that, El."

Ellie eyes show how much she is breaking inside, everything is just falling apart. But there's no anger in her, none at all. Just sadness. Gusto ko magsalita, pero pinutol niya ang sasabihin ko." I'm afraid of what you can do, Sheena."