Paper Memories

Chapter 18-III

Chapter 18-III

"So is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Tanong ni Ellie habang sabay kaming tumatakbo sa trackfield. Sumali kasi siya training ng ibang sports team kaya inaya niya din ako, nasa likod lang kami nila. " Na pinagtutuunan ka ng pansin ni Kiera?"

I bit my lip." Hindi naman ata masama ang personality niya."

Ellie laughed, jogging faster so we'd catch up with others. I quickened my face as well, just to match these hardworking athletes. "Maybe she's playing with you? And maybe it's just a thing for one artist to another."

"That might be so, I should be more wary of Acierto than her." Nakwento ko rin kay Ellia dati ang tungkol sa chief editor ng publication na naninira din sa akin. Parang may dadagdag pa." Siya yung alam kong marami talagang problematic issue."

"But good people are not good all the time," Ellie said, observing everyone we passed by." Just like how bad people are not bad all the time."

"Now you're also playing with your words, El."

"Huy! Hindi ah! You're the one who likes to that!"

I started to pant, not because of exhaustion but because of how my thoughts started to become erratic. I sprint. I clench my fist. Nilagpasan ko si Ellie. Itinakbo ko na lang ang lahat ng iniisip ko. Pero para sa bestfriend ko naglalaro at nang-aasar lang ako, kanya bonding time namin to." Nagfine-arts nga ako para hindi ko na kailangan ang iverbalize ang mga bagay na hindi maj-justify ng limitation ng language. But now look at what I have."

"Hoy! Ngayon lang ako neto! Kayo ni Ralph mahilig dyan!"

"I didn't mean you! Yes I like philosophy and existensial questions but not to the extent of the way Acierto, Kiera or Ralph do! I---Don't speak of the devil or they'd arrive!--- I like silence too, peace from the feeling of emptiness... Painting does that. It takes the logic and words from me, but it makes me feel."

Bigla tinakpan ni Ellie ang bibig ko."At dumating nga!"

Across the fields. Ralph is there. I mumbled." Akala ko may klase yan?"

"Eto ba ang practice para sa competition? Dragging someone I'm close to about a sensitive topic? Leave Sheena out of this. We're a team, don't make me the enemy." Ralph and his blockmates couldn't exactly see us from their angle. Hindi nila na nakikinig na pala kami."Puro lang kayo paintriga kahit nakakasira ka ng iba. I'm just standing against your senseless questions. I'm not enabling her! I'm protecting her! Defending her!"

"...Hindi talaga to matapos-tapos." I said weakly.

"...They just don't know you, Sheena." Ellie said warmly holding my hand.

We started to walk away. Before those men could even realize how we accidentally eavesdrop on the kind of person they are," Oo, nasa polsci tayo! Gusto ko maging lawyer.Its not to simply label people to be good or evil or condemn them with unforgiveness! We're just fucking pre-law students---We don't get to play god!"

I just need to push forward---control myself.

Afterall happiness is just a phase, you can't always chase it. Kailangan ko lang masanay sa masamang parte ng buhay dahil lilipas din naman yun. Babalik yung saya, yung peaceful lang at walang inaalala. Sanay naman ako sa ganun. Banters and harsh truth is nothing new to me. May it come from strangers---or people close to me.

I firmly shut my eyes close, and let the darkness calm me.

"Ron, madalas bang hindi nakakauuwi ang Papa mo dahil sa trabaho? Akala ko di ka pinapayagan nang gabi na?... In anycase if you're father isn't back yet you can just always come here, huwag na dun lang sa chapel."

"Mas sanay ako dun. At bihira lang hindi nakakauwi si Papa. Depende kada araw. Minsan nag-oovertime o ginabi na kaya wala na masakyan." Ronald explained in monotone, his attention on the ukulele I lent him. Kanina nasa chapel ulit siya. "Ganun naman talaga mula nung lumipat kami dito. Pero pinpaayagan lang magtrabaho sa malapit."

I pressed on." Gaano na kayo katagal dito?"

He raised his hands near his face, his fingers indicating five. Pero hindi yun pumakaw ng pansin ko---Yung pasa na naman niya, may bago na naman. I thought things are getting better since we're always together...So why is he hurting now? Maybe it was the best Percival and I invited him again." "Mag-lilimang buwan na, pero one year na nakalipas nung lumuwas kami ng probinsya namin. Di ko lang alam...Kelan kami ulit aalis."

"...Then in the mean time you can stay as my friend."

"Oo na, sabi mo eh.Tutulungan kita sa mga art project mo at papakinggan ko ang mga drama mo.Huwag mo na paulit-ulitan. Tingin ko lang naman eh. Baka ikaw ang mauna umalis pagka-graduate mo."

He was being sarcastic. Half grinning, his eyes hollow. Where else is he hurt? He's wearing a jacket. So the bruise on his upper cheek, his collar, and his busted lips are all I can see. This is too sudden. Meron pa ba?Ayoko matulad siya sa ibang lalake." Malayo-layo pa yun, mga six months pa bago ako magtapos."

His smile was forced and bitter."...Pwes may oras pa diba?"

That was expression was pure suffering isn't it? I feel angry seeing him hurt. My fingers are already crumpling the scratch paper I'm holding. Ibinagsak ko na lang yun basta-basta kahit na ayun ang design para sa mga props." Ron, ayos ka lang ba talaga? Yung mga sugat mo. Hindi ba masa------"

Tinabig ni Ronald ang kamay ko." Hindi naman 'to sadya."

Before I could even argue or scold him, Percival arrived. Nagulat na lang ako at napaatras."Hon, I got your phone. Somebody was calling. Ah, may pinag-uusapan ba kayo?"

"Ate, sagutin mo na."

"I it was Ralph's name on the phone. Nakatatlong ring na." Percival saw my friend's instrument so he also grab one for himself and sat beside the kid. I feel restless watching Percival" I'd keep him company. Go head. Naghihintay si Ralph."

"Babalik ako agad." I uttered." Baka may tanong lang."

Ronald lightly waved his hands telling me to go. He's even acting more withdrawn now that boyfriend is here. I tried to glance at my friends injuries again, I felt sick. I tried to look at my boyfriend, but he's distracted. Mapansin kaya ni Percival ang worries ko? Ang lagay ng kaibigan ko?" Mas pinapatagal mo pa, Ate Sheena. Maya-maya pa ako aalis."

"Stay here." Halos makaawa ko." Huwag kang aalis."

When I left the room I saw Percival approach my friend. Nakatalikod si Ronald mula sa may pinto. Hindi ko marinig ang usapan nila. Pero ang boyfriend ko parang sinadyang niyang mabasa ko ang galaw ng mga labi niya at salitang dala-dala nito. "You just caught Sheena in a bad time. She's a good person, okay?"