Paper Memories

Chapter 8-III

Chapter 8-III

Ralph waved me goodbye." You take care now."

Pagkaalis ni Ralph ay lumabas ulit ako ng bahay.Alas singko pa lang kasi ng hapon. Pero wala pang masyadong tao sa daan. Kahit tambay wala. Pero sabagay natututo na ako kung paano iwasan sila, kung saang daan magandang lumiko at paano makaiiwas gulo. I knew all of that just from one meeting with him.

Now I hope to see that someone else again, below that crucifix.

"Naninigarilyo ka na naman." I announced when I saw him. Nang lumapit ako ay dumistansya siya sa akin. Is he making space for me or he simply doesn't want me around?" Umaga o hapon."

"Mahilig ka pala dumaldal." Ronald scoff." Kaya ka napapaaway."

I walk towards him and place my elbows on the same railings he's leaning to. He let me be, his sharps eyes just melancholically stares at the sunset. Mas nacurious ako sa kanya." Ikaw. Pinipigilan mo ba ang sarili mong magsabi ng totoo? To not hurt anyone or get hurt?"

He didn't look at me. Ngayon, naging diretso lang ang titig sa kabuuan ng baranggay namin dito sa taas ng chapel."Gusto mo totoo? Pwes tanga ka ba at gusto mo na naman mapaagway?"

"Huh? I'm not. Sa bahay lang sana ako kaso la--------"

"Umuwi ka na, Sheena."

Napalunok ako." Gusto ko rin naman lumabas..."

He just shrugged, inhaling his cigarette. I watch him closely, making him scowl at me even more." Marami ka pa ibang pwedeng puntahan kaysa dito. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit dito ka pa nakatira. Kung ayaw mo sa sakit sa ulong mga tambay tulad nung isa, hindi rin dapat pakialamera."

His attention is back on me. Pero dahil sa inis niya..." Napano yang kamay mo?"

Paso o pasa, I wasn't sure. He brush it off immediately." Nakuha ko sa trabaho. Huwag ka ng mag-abala magtanong pa. Ang rami mong oras. Wala ba naghahanap sayong umuwi?"

"I'd just be alone there. Hindi umuuwi ang boyfriend ko."

Sarcasm left his face, napahalimos siya ng mukha."...Bakit?"

I shrugged, I get to see his gentleness again. I'm sure he's younger than me, but he speak as if he's seeing a different world than me."...Bigla wala na siya sa bahay nung gabing niligtas mo ako. No message nor calls. Well, three days pa lang naman kung curious ka, kaso may mali eh."

"Matagal na kayo?" Ronald ask."Nag-aaway kayo?"

"I don't know what to do without him. " I can completely feel that my companion is listening." Maybe that's just how is it...Maraming kailangan pagsikapan, tiisin at lagpasan na comfort zone para hindi ka mag-isa...Misrable o mabaliw sa pag-iisa."

Ronald stared blankly at his own hands. Kumirot ang puso ko sa expressions niya." Kahit magtiis ka para may kasama ka, wala kasiguraduhan na hindi ka magiging mag-isa."

Loneliness is a fate worse than death." Mahilig ka bang mag-isa?"

"Bakit napunta sa akin? Ang gusto ko lang sabihin hindi ikaw ang boyfriend mo, may sarili kang buhay. Yung mga sanay lang mabuhay para sa iba ang nag-iisip na wala silang ibang pagkatao pag nawala yung taong mahal nila."

"Hindi typical na advice ang binibigay mo 'no? But you're right."

"Hindi kita inoobligang makinig."

I burst into laughter, I might be pushing his buttons! Sumasabay sa lakas ng hangin ang pagtaas ng inis niya sa akin." Sorry na, ako kasi yung unang nag-drama. No matter how I love someone else I am not them. Hindi din sa kanila lang iikot ang mundo ko---even if we stay together, be apart or be reunited."

"Ayaw ko ng pag-usapan ang ibang tao." Ronald declared.

"Sorry ikaw pa kinukulit ko." I apologized. Maybe small talk aren't his thing. Or it would be a burden knowing me." Salamat sa tulong mo nung huli."

Ronald shook his head, saka pinatay ang sindi ng sigarilyo niya sa railings. Diretsahan niya akong hinarap, as if he knew my pain personally." Marami rin ako nasabi, mag-sawa ka na...Umuwi ka na muna ngayon...Maghintay ka pa...Kahit ganun man sinabi ko wala namang mawawala..."

" May hinihihintay ka rin ba?" I asked, then shifted my question when he became quiet." Pag pumunta ako dito sa susunod nandito ka pa rin ba?"

He nodded for yes, but to which one?" Nagdidilim na, Sheena."

I sighed." Ayos lang mas may kasama naman ako ngayon."

But Ronald still went downhill first, as if to tell me he's not the one. But still, I stay behind despite his warning. Ayos na ako ngayon, hindi ko na hahayaang mangyari ang tulad nung nakaraang gabi, hindi na ako matatakot kung may nagbabantay man o wala sa dilim. I took my time walking back home, enjoying how the night could make me feel alive.

But my house felt different again when I stepped inside...

He's here again. Just like that. Leaving and arriving in my life as he pleases. Percival stood by the stairs as if nothing happened, his hand outstretched." I love how red suits you, Hon."