Paper Memories

Chapter 3-III

Chapter 3-III

Maybe this is reality, but who gave Percival to me?

Everything that happened today sounds too much of a joke to just accept. I don't even why I'm even kidding myself. Baka yun na lang ang magagawa ko para pakalmahin ang sarili ko at isiping tama ang ginagawa ko. Now, I'm letting him stay in the spare guest room in my house. A lying stranger and me in one house.

Kailangan niya bumawi, then I can make him leave.

I glared at him. "So what's really your name?"

Tumigil siya sa pag-aayos. Confused." It's Percival."

Itinaas ko ang journal ko. I even pointed it with my finger so he wouldn't act dumb." Nabasa mo ba ang pangalan na yan dito? Nagsusulat ako dito ng details ng gusto kong i-ipaint o hindi naman kaya write-ups----anything I imagine."

He just stared." Hindi ko yan babasahin ng walang paalam..."

"I mean, is that your real na------- God, why can't you understand what I'm pointing out? Without your riddles and all, how do we know each other? My friends before... People I had in the past, I let them in my house. Then told them a lot of things. "Tanong ko habang nakasanday sa pintuan ng guest room"Kaya, paano tayo nagkakilala? Umamin ka na. Maybe we could play this charade of "girlfriend" and "boyfriend", or "creator" and "creation", but there should a moment we should just....Act sane."

"What do you want my name to be instead?"

"Are you having fun mocking me like this? Balik ko.

Percival shook his head apologetically. He won't tell me anything, not his family, his identity or past; he just keep claiming nonsense like a child that's playing make-believe." Am I not doing good job? Do you not like me this way, Sheena?"

"Pano ko ipapaliwanag ang sa iba ang tungkol sayo kung ganto ka?"

"It could just be us." Percival seems to be so in love with me, that he's this vulnerable when we are together. He look so much like Ralph, yet his personality so different." We don't need anyone else."

"...You're a man, we're a man and woman living together; how can I trust you?"

"But I'm not like others, I'll be however you want. I won't hurt you and I'd love you forever." Hindi ko maintidihan kung ano siya o san nanggagaling ang pagmamahal niya." Also I know...You trust me...Or that you're trying to trust---You're letting me remain by your side."

"This conversation is over, I have school tomorrow..."

"Everything would eventually make sense for us..."

"I don't know Percival, I don't want to dwell on things that doesn't make sense. So let's try our best to be normal okay? " Pagtatapos ko ng usapan, mag-gabi na. He just nodded obediently again." I guess I'd still see you tomorrow morning. You have a choice.Stay here to fulfil your promise or leave forever.

He laugh childishly." Dito lang ako."

I still this all but a dream." Goodnight, Percival."

But when I shut the door close, I'm still wide awake.

Nagmadali ako pumanhik pabalik sa attic, sinarado ko ang pinto, at pinagbubuksan ang drawer hanggat mahanap ko kinakailangan ko. Napadako ulit ang tingin sa blangkong canvas na nasa gilid. He has a choice, huh? I gave him options. When I don't have much choice myself but to be dragged in here. I couldn't even control my own fate, so how could I even handle that man?

Napatayo na lang ako para mapaupo na naman sa may alcove ng bintana. Nagmamasid lang ako sa langit, hanggang mapadpad ang mga mata ko sa isang crucifix. Malamang sa mula to chapel na pagkanda layo-layo at nag-iisa-----I laughed, maybe the world is telling me lean on somebody, on God.

Not to act like god myself.