Paper Memories

Chapter 10-I

Chapter 10-I

It's just 6 o'clock in the morning.

Maaga ulit akong papasok sa school kahit tanghali pa ang first clas ko. I want today to be normal, just like how I am before this whole lie started----but I brought my journal. It has rose-colored cover, stencilled white chrysantum and "that" person's "last" message for me.

Isang peaceful day lang sana----but somebody is at my gate.

I have no chouce but approached them but maintained a distance and kept the gate shut closed. " Gusto niya bang umabot talaga tayo na irereklamo ko kayo sa baranggay?"

"Miss naman, chill lang. Aga-aga. Hindi na nga po eh." He's the tall and heavily tattoed guy from before. I still don't know his name but he's the first person to speak to me. Mukha ngang lasing pa siya ngayon at hindi nagsseryosos. Kasama niya ang mga barkada niya." Mag-s-sorry na nga daw itong mga to eh, may ibabalik din sila."

I space out. Huh? Anong iaabot nila?" Heto na, hindi naman yan kailangan."

It's the cheque, with blood still on it. Mas lalong akong napatitig lang. Kaya muli silang nagsalita para humirit." Ano, patas na ba tayo? Binibiro ka lang naman nung isa. Masyado ka kasing sensitive kaya pati si Kenneth inis sayo."

So that's the bastard's name." "Nasan siya? Siya ba ang nagpapabalik nyan?"

"Hahanapin mo pa mainitin ang ulo nu---"

"Kung kailangan niya ng bago, magpiprima ako ng isa pa para sainyo." I responded nonchalantly as I opened the gate as they step aside." Mag mumukha pala talaga kayong criminal kung yang may dugo ang ipapapalit niyo sa bangko."

" Hindi namin kailangan."

Tatlo silang tumanggi sa akin, kaya umalis na lang ako.

Bakit ganun ang unang instinct ko para gawin? Ganto ba ako kadali maduwag? Kaya aabutin ko na lang ang bagay na meron ako para hindi maskatan? I keep thinking about my shortcomings, even when I arrive at school and class goes on. And even until I was walking with my project partner towards the art club.

My overthinking is just worsened by my partner.

Si Nabi, absent siya nung nag-assign ng mga magkakapares. At dahil tinagihan ako ng iba ay ganto ang nangyari. The whole time we were walking, she was on her phone, but she gasped when we arrived in the art room." Solong-solo mo na talaga to no?"

I shrugged." Temporary lang."

"This is the old art club----you renovated it as if its your."

"Inaalagaan ko lang yung hinabilin sakin. This place is not mine."

"Okay, okay. Whatever rich gir! Kaya ikaw na lang ang bahala sa finances at materials." Nabi said as she rummaged through the boxes. We were tasked with a miniature building project. " I'll just send the picture when I'm done. Ako na lang gagawa, kapag kulang ang nakuha nating materials dito bumili na lang tayo."

"This is a groupwork..."

"Ah, pinagpares lang tayo 'coz they want the two geniuses to compete." Sarkastikong sagot ni Nabi habang pinaghahambing ang dalawang paint tubes na nakuha niya." If that transferee didn't break down on you, you'd be both paired up."

"Don't bring him up." Saway ko." " Isa ka rin sa problematic sa klase."

Nabi bursted into laughter." Back to you as well! Mas maraming kaming kaibigan ng baliw na transferee na yun kaysa sa sayo! Two face ka kasi at self-rigtheous. Outcast na ngayon ang isa sa dating tinitingalang art genius ng campus. Sheena, alam na ba yan ng boyfriend mo ganto ka na ka-miserable?"

Napakuyom ang kamao ko. " He's mine despite that."

Step by step closer, and word by word, she's mocking me. "Oh, come on. Where did you pick that man? The bastard just seemed to appear out of nowhere. Why does he choose you out of all people? At akala ko ba sa ibang tao ka nagpapakatanaga?"

"Wala kang alam tungkol sakin, Nabi."

"Everybody knows what you did last sem, Sheena."

I stepped back; nobody was ignorant about what happened last year." I didn't do anything, and if there's something I've done, why is it my fault that those students are expelled? Bakit ang burden na binibigay nila sa akin ay parang ako yung may gumawa ng kasalanan? Like I'm the villain? "

"People who try to be goody-two-shoe heroes are villains."

"Everybody who criticizes me just don't have the choices I had."

"Whatever, this became boring. You used to be fun. Ipahanap na lang natin yung mismong mga taong yun para maghigante sayo." Nabi mocked, walking around the room." Maybe you really have change. Kung hindi ka bida-bida o santa-santahan, you're just a pushover who let's anyone in your life."

" Paano mo nasabi yun?"

" What I meant is---you're like a slut."

"Gamit na gamit mo talaga lahat ng words sa dictionary para sakin." I walk past her; I wouldn't give her power over me. Yung tono ng pananalita niya ay parang siya pa yung offended. May galit at diri siya sa akin. But at the same time, it seems like she wants my attention. "Pero bahala ka, wala na ako magagwa kung gusto mo akong tawaging ganyan o ungkatin yung nakaraan kong minamanipulate lang ng iba."

"So you're saying those "victims" deserved that?"

"What I'm saying is I'm not the bully nor the villain."

"You can come clean to me, Sheena." Nabi smirked.

"And you think a scandalous woman like you is someone to be trusted?" Asik ko.

Nabi rolled her eyes, tinalikuran niya ako." Fine, fine I'll drop it. Sa project na ulit tayo. Ibigay mo na lang sakin ang contact details mo para matawagan kita."

She didn't even apologized, but I handed her my phone after I type her name." Just like that, huh? You're thick skinned. Sige para sa project. Magkaklase naman tayo sa ibang electives, basta huwag kang mag-absent matatapos agad natin to."

"You spelled my name wrong, pati surname yung luma ko pa." Pag-iiba niya.

So she corrected it, Nathaniel Bridgette Vergara.

The two of us suddenly became silent as we fixed the box we opened. I hope all her questions and my curiosity about my past will also be locked inside when we leave.

She seems giddy and happy because of our conversation. Perhaps she was thrilled she could gossip and badmouth me to others again. Pero sana wala ng tanong, at sana hindi na sa akin ang spotlight.

I don't want to reject the world because a part of it has hurt me before.