Paper Memories

Chapter 34-III

Chapter 34-III

I frowned, halos hindi ko siya matitigan." Galit ka ba sakin?"

He snickered, namimilosopo na naman siya. "Mukha ba akong galit sayo?"

Umiling ako---pero pansin ko pa rin yung sumisilip na mga pasa niya. Kailangan ko asikasuhin ulit mamaya. But he wouldn't like it if I bring it up again. So for now, I stared at my laptop while we're in the dark living room." I don't know---you're hard to read. Palaging tinatago mo lang ang nararamdaman mo."

"...Hindi ako galit."

"Yun nga yung hindi ko maintindihan---kung bakit hindi."

"Basta, hindi. Huwag ka na maghanap ng away pa, Ate." Ronald declared while fiddling with the sd cards and cameras on the table. He might been upset that I look through his phone for Percival's cell number earlier or perhaps he's still thinking how my hand graze him again." Pero sige kung galit ako, nandito pa ba dapat ako?"

"Baka ayaw mo lang kasi umuwi sa inyo, sa family mo."

"Mas matitiis kita sa ganun ba?"

"Hindi ko alam pero masaya ako na nandito ka pa rin, kahit na sa lahat ng nangyari." I uttered without thinking it through, making Ronald's eye widen. He might not believe me, the light coming from the screen makes him look so conflicted and softer than he usually is. Kami na lang magkasama, pero alam kong kahit anong oras kaya niyang iwanan ang lahat." You love me, don't you? That's why you stayed."

He clicked his tongue."Ayaw ko lang umalis, Ate."

I smile as I nodded." And because you have nowhere else to go."

"Hindi ako nagtatanim ng sama ng loob. Wala lang ako interes sa takbo ng buhay ng iba, okay?" Ronald nonchalantly explained, this time his eyes are cast downwards. Pero parang mas bumibilis ang paghinga niya at hawak-hawak niya ang pulsuhan niya. Napaatras siya ng papuntang sulok ng sofa." Sariling gusto ko lang yung gagawin ko. Hindi dahil may special reason, hindi ako galit sayo, Ate."

"Pero kung papipiliin ka gusto mo bang umuw o hindi? I would prefer if yo---"

"Bakit ka nang-uutos? Hindi nga ako uuwi."

"Then, while you're here let me take care of you. King hinihintay mo pa rin ang Kuya mo o dahil gusto mo lang. Magsabi ka lang." I finally have the courage to held him, I wrapped my arms beside his head and pull him closer to me. Isinandal ko ang noo ko sa leegan niya, sabay pikit para hindi ko na kailangan tingnan yung dilim ng salas." If your family can't love you I would, so forgive me, Ron. I'm sorry I hurt you. Kaya hindi ka na nakikinig diba? Sorry, sorry sa mga nagawa ko at pangungulit ko."

"Ang drama mo, sinabi ko na wala yun sa aki-----"

"Ron, huwag kang ganyan. Ako, dyan ako nagagalit---paano kung sa ganyan din magalit ang mga Kuya mo? Diyan ka nila masaktan?Yung mga ganyan mo kaya tayo nag-aaway. Baka ano magawa ko. Pero,hindi mo ba naiisip na baka dun ka na lang madadala?"

Ah, there it is. He choose this time to react with so much hate—and terror.

This wasn't the first time I reminded him of that. I already saw his other family before, those two priest who tries to get him to come home. The younger one who who comes more often carry so much intensity in his eyes, I know it would just take one wrong move for him to snap. Pinapaalala ko lang yun kay Ronald habang hindi pa rin ako bumibitaw sa pagkakayakap sa kanya, randam ko yung reaction siya kanina pero hindi niya ako pinalayo sa kanya. Nasa tabi ko pa rin siya. Konting yakap pa, tapos magpapatuloy na kami sa pag-s-sort ng pictures ng arh month.

But really, he was so quiet as I hug him.

"Wala ka namang sinat..."

"You're just tired I guess?" I sighed out of relief after I touch Ronald's forehead, he started to look pale and restless ealier at dinnertime. Kakabalik ko lang din sa dining room pagkatapos ko itago ang medical kit." Nakatulog ka lang."

Ronald was sleeping so innocently, nakasanday ang lang ulo niya sa braso niyang nakasanday sa lamesa. Pinagmamasdan ko lang siya. Hindi bumibilis ang oras. Nanatili lang siyang tulog. My left hand started to caress his hair as I was sitting next to him. I want to provide him with any sort of comfort." Hindi naman kitang gustong saktan pero ginagalit mo ako, you should just have listened to Percival."

"He told you not to trust me."

I move my chair closer to Ronald. Saka ipinatong ko din ang braso at ulo ko sa lamesa para makaharap ko siya. I want to just stare at him look peaceful for once, but my eyes then landed on the unhealing bruises and cuts this rebellious teenager still have. I instinctively try hold it, gently. I brush my fingers on his skin." Nakikita nang iba na nasasaktan ka---- they're not blind on you're suffering, but you are. Bakit hindi ka pa rin umaalis sa tabi ko, Ron? Naghihintay ka ba na magkamali ako? Kaya diba gusto mo na lang ba kakampi mo si Percival at Ralph?"

"Imagine your Kuyas seeing you like this."

"I want you to be here, but making you stay is also a hard choice." I mumbled my thoughts out loud, not thinking if I'll wake him up butI now know that anytime soon this boy could betray me too." Gusto ko sana na dito ko lang, pero alam kong may plano ka nang iba hindi ko magustuhan."

"But really, doesn't it hurt enough?" I notice how Ronald stirred from his sleep, grunting but not fully waking up. I observed how his forehead scrunched at exhaustion pulled him back on his dreams. I just pat his head again to lull him and to tell him I'm here. I breathed in, my hand have the urge to push his head down." Ron, just what would it take me to make you come home?"

I sighed, I need to a make a choice for Ron."Hindi pa ba ako masakit sayo?"