Paper Memories

Chapter 2-I

Chapter 2-I

I went straight to school after a sleepless night.

Weekend ngayon kaya iilang estudyante lang ang nasa campus. Wala akong klase o kasama sa bahay simula nung lumipat ako. Bigla kong naisipan kunin yung painting ko, kahit weekened. Pero nakayuko at mag-isa akong naglalakad sa hallway ng school. Dahil simula nang pagpasok ng academic year, pakiramdam ko nasa akin ang mata ng lahat

I just need to get my canvas, hindi makasalubong ng gulo.

Pati na rin si Ellie, sana hindi. She's my best friend, and she have weekend practice for athletes. Mabigat ang pakiramdam ko pero ayaw kong magkwento.

Nasa may bandang third floor ang art room ng department namin. Luma na building ang inuunang irenovate ay lower levels and priority courses I'm the only one who goes there, making it almost seem that I own it; legitimate art clubbers have their rooms somewhere else.

Pero tumunong ang cellphone ko ng makataas ako. I hesitated to answer it. "Shin, are in you school right now? Parang nakita kita. Nasa gymnasium ako, labas tayo maya o punta ka dito? Pero, anyway, bakit ka nandito? Wala kang klase ah."

I smirk." I'm not really in the mood to play."

"Hintayin mo ako, labas tayo. Homework can wait." Pagmamaktol ni El, naiimagine ko ang expressions niya.  I can see her pouting. The three of us laughing. Ah, us three."Palagi kang kulong na naman sa bahay simula nitong school year, let's also invite Ra------"

"No, hindi tayo aalis. Wala akong homework. At hindi pwede si Ralph." Pinipilit kong kumalma habang binuksan ang pinto. The warmth feeling from my imagination was instantly gone when that name was brought up." May klase siya mamaya, dapat siya magfocus."

"...But he's being weird last night, and even you."

"Ralph rejected a girl yesterday, might be a sophomore."

"...Okay, tapos?"

"Tapos ako naman, El."

There's a pause behind the line. It didn't click for her instantly. Ellie might still have the love letter I wrote for him before. Siya na lang ang nagtago dahil ko magawang maibigay o matapon yun. Nang mapagtanto ang niya ang lahat, halos mapasigaw siya siya. "That's bullshit! It shouldn't been this way! Mahal ka din ni Ralph! Bakit kaya niya tatanggihan ng sa wakas nagconfess ka na din?"

Napatakip ako ng bibig." I didn't even confess, El. He just know."

"But he rejected you nonetheless?" Ellie said disbelief.

"Malas ko na lang, but I'll try to understand." Mapait na sagot ko.

I didn't let Ellie comfort me.don't want explanation contrary to the fact of reality. Nang itaas ko ang ulo ko nangingibabaw ang uncompleted na canvas sa paningin ko. Madalian kong sinulyapan ang forms ng portrait na masyado pang unpolished. I was trying to come up with an idea how to complete it as I started to pack it home.

It's still faceless...

I haven't finish it yet...

Should I make a painting that would surpass the people in my life?

Kung wala sa mundong ito ang gusto ko, pwede naman akong bumuo ng panibago. Parang katulad na lang ng kahapon, nakakikita ako ng mga bagay na wala sa realidad dahil sa desperasyon ko.

I'm a nobody, but I have all the rights in the world to do whatever I want.

To live, dream, create, and go mad. Surely someone like me has a role too. Maybe I'm the narrator and the creator of this world. Napatawa na lang ako sa naisip ko, passion burst in me as I think what else I can make. What kind of world? What type of people? How better would it be compared to reality? I'm almost teary eyed imagining it.

Nagmagdali akong umuwi, may tatapos na sa bangungot ko.