tough love ; jack gilinsky

t h i r t y

a d d i e

"Gone."

"She's gone, and it's all my fault."

"Jack, stop. It's not your fault. It was her decision, and I'm sure there's a reason she didn't want to tell anyone when she was leaving. She didn't want to hurt anyone." I told Jack, as he stood in me and Meredith's room, Meredith's side completely empty.

"Hurt? I don't think I'll be the same person without her. I loved her Addie, I loved her so goddamn much and I may not ever get the chance to tell her again." He shouted. At this point I just don't know what to tell him. I have nothing.

"Jack, I know you're upset but it's her life and her decisions. Just give her time, I know she'll come back." I said as calm as I could. He wasn't having it though.

"Clearly you don't get it Addie." He huffed before storming out.

Clearly I don't.

m e r e d i t h

"This is our new house." My mother beamed as she stepped inside, Ryan and I lazily walked in behind her.

I looked around, it was nice indeed. Ryan and I went down the hallway and each picked a bedroom. Mine was pretty nice, not too small and not too big. It was also painted dark purple, so I didn't really need to paint it any other colour.

Ryan picked the biggest room, because he needs it for and I quote 'all my studying shit.' Cool, you're going to University now doesn't mean you need to lie. He studies for like ten minutes and then takes a 'break' and ends up falling asleep. How he got into Johns Hopkins I don't know.  I don't even know how he passed his grade twelve exams. I barely past them.

"Meredith?" My mother yelled from the kitchen. I walked out there and she was looking in the cupboards. I don't know what she was doing persay, they were all empty.

"Yes?" I asked hopping up on the counter.

"Would you mind going to the store and buying food? Ryan and I will unpack stuff here, the truck with all our stuff just arrived." I sighed before hopping down and pulling a sweater over my head, turns out it doesn't snow very often here. {i don't fucking know, im just making shit up} I grabbed the car keys and went outside.

It was like nine at night and my mom was making me go buy food, okay. As I got in the car, I looked down the street seeing bright Christmas lights and various blow up snowmen. It made me sad knowing all these people are in their houses all happy and shit with their lives and then there's me who made the biggest mistake of coming here.

Sad, that's all I ever am anymore.

I shook it off as I backed out of the driveway and went to the nearest grocery store.

-

Though I got lost three times I finally made it back home in one piece.

"Mom! Ryan! I'm back and need some assistance." I shouted as I struggled to bring all the shit I bought inside. They both rushed outside to grab everything else.

"So Meredith, there's a nice boy who lives next door. You should meet him tomorrow. I told him about you and he seems interested." My mother said placing the bags on the counter.

"Yeah, so you can forget about Jack." Ryan chimed in.

Forget about Jack?

"What does that mean?"  I huffed.

"You know, move on. You really think he still wants to be with you when you live halfway across the country?" Ryan said shrugging.

"You know nothing about relationships, do you Ryan? When was the last time you were in one? Oh like sophomore year? How did that end up going for you? Not well, so why don't you just shut your face about my relationship will you?" I shouted with tears starting to form.

"Meredith!" My mom scolded.

I just looked Ryan, he looked hurt. I just can't stop doing this can I?

"If a-anyone needs m-me I'll be in my r-room." I stuttered before going in my room. It was filled with boxes, and my bed and dresser. I moved a few boxes out of the way and sat on the floor and looking at my phone. I haven't turned it on since I left. And that was five days ago.

I stared at the black screen of the iphone, before finally deciding to turn it on.

Once it was on it was flooded with phone calls and messages. Most of which came from Jack.

The amount of guilt I felt was too much, the last conversation we had wasn't a good one to say the least. And when he came back to apologize I just shut him out. All he wanted to do was make me happy, and he did but I was just being a bitch about the whole thing.

All of a sudden my phone started ringing, it was Jack.

What do I do? Answer it?

Duh.

"Hello?" I answered trying to hide the fact I was crying.

"Meredith?" He sounded as if he was trying to do the same.

"Jack, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left, I was just upset and thought this would be better for me. It's not, I've barely been here three hours and I'm already unhappy."

"Then come home Meredith. I don't know what else to say."

"I can't. My mother is making me stay until Ryan is finished the semester, so I won't be back until June at least. I hate this. I hate myself. I just can't do anything right anymore. And now I have no one, absolutely no one. Not even my own family because they don't understand anymore, I feel so alone and I feel like the next time I fall no one will be there to catch me." I sobbed.

"Okay, I just want to tell you something and I need you to listen. Because I'm only gonna tell you this once."

"O-Okay." I stuttered.

"Meredith, I swear to god if I hear you saying you have no one there to help you I will lose it. You have a group of friends and a boyfriend who care so much about you. You just need to realize this. Even though none of us will be there with you, just remember we're all just a phone call or text message away. Got that?"

"Jack." I sighed.

"One last thing and I want you to remember this, okay? If you fall I will be there to catch you, always. I made a promise to you and to myself that I'll always be there for you no matter what happens, because I love you Meredith Skye. I love you so much and I just need you to know that."

That just made me even sadder than I already was. I don't deserve someone like him, out of all the people in the world. He chose me, and for that I'm grateful.

"So, since I'm not there to cheer you up I want you to do something for me. Go make yourself some tea and cuddle in a blanket while listening to music. Okay?"

I smiled because that's exactly what he would have done for me if he were here.

"Of course, I'll call you tomorrow or something but thank you. For you know cheering me up."

"You're welcome, talk to you tomorrow love."

I sighed before getting up and going into the kitchen, looking around for the tea I had bought earlier. My mother and Ryan had both gone to their rooms, probably still pissed at me. Not that I cared anyways.

After I had made my tea I went back in my room and placed the tea on my dresser, and looked through the boxes hoping to find bed sheets and a blanket. Eventually I found everything was looking for I put it all on the bed and then grabbed my headphones and tea. Once everything was all set I started playing my 'sad song' playlist.

Missing someone isn't about how long it's been since you've seen them or the amount of time since you've talked. It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing they were right there by your side.