ALANA

20

ALANA

It is hard to ignore him when he is always staring.

I can feel the burn of his gaze on me again after he had stopped for a while. We have now moved to the sitting room and he is sitting on the couch adjacent to the one I am sitting on. It is very distracting and I wish he would just stop.

I do not want to look at him or speak to him or even be in the same room as him. I intend to avoid giving him anymore reason to hate me then he already has. I have learned a long time ago that if I keep to myself, I am less likely to get in trouble.

"I uhm, can I use the restroom mama?" I ask the donna quickly. I cannot take anymore of the intense stare. She looks at me and nods.

"Ofcourse, it is-"

"I'll take you!" Carlos jumps up from his seat where he was previously sitting, using his cellphone. He is very sweet to me, like my cousin Andrea is. It is endearing.

"Sit. The fuck down." Xander says in a low, threatening tone. He stands up slowly, motioning with his head. "Come" he says simply before walking away. Oh! I jump up, following him out. This is not what I wanted to happen. I wanted to go far away from him.

He silently leads me through the hallway, then stops infront of a beautiful white door. I quickly step inside, without a word and lock the door, breathing a sigh of relief.

I spend a good 8 minutes in the bathroom. I counted. After I listen for any sounds on the other side of the door and there seem to be none, I decide that he has probably left and gone back to the sitting room. I quietly click the lock open and open the door, stepping out.

A shriek leaves me when I see his brooding form standing against the the wall just outside of the door, but I quickly put a hand over my mouth to silence myself.

"What?" he asks but I avoid looking up at him and shake my head, walking back to the direction we came from.

God I need to relax.

I walk as fast as I can back to the sitting room, quickly getting Mama's attention.

"Can I go home now?" I ask her making her turn to me.

"Ofcourse dolcezza, you must be tired, I will get Maybel to arrange a car right away-"

"No it is very late for her to go home alone with strange men" The Don says with a look of disapproval.

"I will take her" I hear his voice making me shiver. Oh no. I do not know why I am feeling anxious around him. It is like his presence sets a heavyweight on my heart. It beats very fast. It is not quite fear but a different sensation. Perhaps I am getting sick.

"N-no I think a driver might be okay-" I am cut off by his strong denial again.

"Alana, let's go" He commands. The way his voice goes an octave deeper makes me shiver as I feel a more familiar sensation now. Fear.

I quickly walk over to him, after saying goodbye to everyone, my head cast down to not accidentally look at him and anger him further.

When Father is angry with me, he does not like that I look in his eyes, he says it is disrespectful.

Xander walks ahead of me to the grand foyer and opens the door then holds it for me. I whisper my gratitude and climb down the many stairs to their large porch, where another sleek car is waiting for us. This time, it is a gray color. I take a minute to admire it before a man opens the car door for me but Xander is soon taking his place and saying something to him in a low tone.

I sit inside the car, feeling a light brush on my head and I look up to see him covering the doors panel that is right above my head. I am stunned by the implication that he does not want me to be in pain.

He does not want me to be in pain? Why? I thought when you hate someone you give them pain? Does he not want me to learn the lesson?

I am ripped away from my thoughts as the engine of the car roaring extracts a squeak from me. Oops.

"Seatbelt" his voice sounds husky as I feel him once again, looking at me. But I refrain from doing the same. I quickly put on my seatbelt and grip it, preparing for the engine to make scary sounds for the whole ride and also praying I do not somehow make him upset.

The car ride is silent, I just enjoy the passing streets and the serenity of the how quiet it is for a while.

It is not that I do not get quite time, all I have at the house is quiet time. But even while I draw or am planting or simply sitting in my room, I always have a nagging fear of something going wrong. I am only at complete peace when I read, I often feel transported to wherever the words take me.

I take a deep breath but make sure I am not too loud, and as we reach Fathers house, I hope he is not anywhere around so that I can quickly slip to my bed room.

I see in my peripheral vision, Xander turn in his seat and start to say something so I quickly unbuckle my seatbelt and open my door.

"Buenò Nottè" I say quickly, jumping out of the car as fast as I can, hitting my head in the process then I close the door and run up the three stairs to the door, and slip inside without looking back.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I find no one around as I quickly run to my room.

Thank goodness.