ALANA

85

ARES

"OH GOD!" Alana screeches loudly, gripping my neck. "Oh Ares tu stronzo, non ti permetterò mai più di toccarmi!" My wife screams as she pushes, making my eyes widen.
(you asshole I am never letting you touch me again.)

That is the first time I have ever heard my wife swear. She falls back with a big sigh.

"Okay Alana, I need you to push again sweetheart, come on the contraction is approaching." The doctor says, eyeing the screen with waves on it.

"Noo I already pushed, leave me alone." She whines, her voice tired. Fuck I feel like a selfish bitch.

"Okay honey comeon push!" She calls. Alana groans, sitting up a little, then she strains, her face twisting in pain. "It hurts, I can't it hurts." She cries falling back, crying loudly.

"Im sorry baby, you can do it though Ana, come on." I lift her up by her elbows.

"You." She says, her eyes accusing. "You are the reason this has happened. I would never let you put your thing in me if I knew this hurts so bad!" She shouts. Fuck.

"Okay here comes another one! Push Alana!"

She strains again, I feel her body become tense in my arms as she tries the hardest she has yet.

"He's crowning!" The doctor says. "Keep going just a little more." The doctor says with anticipation,

Then suddenly, Alana slumps back with a satisfied sigh. What.

A loud, shrill cry fills the room making me look at the doctor, holding a small, naked baby, covered in-

"Holy Fuck." I say looking at the baby.

"Here he is." the doctor smiles, placing the baby, now wrapped in a sheet on top of Alana's chest. My wife sobs, looking at our son. Her voice starts to blur and merge into another voice in my ears.

"Im scared Ares" Elena whispers, gasping with the loss of blood.

"It will be okay El, Papa is coming soon" I say desperately trying to free my hands so I could help my baby sister. "El Ill even go flower picking with you I wont say no again just" I grunt frustratedly kicking my short legs.

"I love you Ares" she says, her pale lips trying to smile.

"I love you too El" I say as I watch her bright green eyes slowly become less shiny.

My hazy thoughts zone back in. Fuck.

"He's perfect." My wife sniffles, looking up at me. "Why aren't you saying something?" She asks, her smile turning into a frown.

"Uh, no reason." I say. "I will go call mama and the others." I say, my ears ringing as barely anything registers and I walk out of the hospital room.

Fuck.

~

I made sure to calm myself down, walking around the compound of the hospital before I returned to the room. I realized how stupid what I did was, and that it was insensitive, my wife has just given birth and I left them alone in there.

When I enter the room, I see Alana laying down in bed, looking at a clear cart with pur son in it. My heart rate picks up at her tired form, the sad smile on my wife's face making dread pool in me.

I start to walk to towards her but she closes her eyes, pretending to be asleep. Fuck.

"Oh sir? Ms. Colombo asked to not be disturbed-" I turn around making the nurse shut up.

"Her name is Mrs. Moretti." I say, my voice chilling. "I am her husband, I am not disturbing her, now get out." I tell him, turning back around to my wife.

This bitch.

"I'm tired." Alana mumbles. "Please don't shout." she says, shifting in her place then wincing. Fuck.

"I'll help you-" she holds out a hand.

"Please just, let me sleep. You should go outside for another hour, see if that helps." She says, turning her face away. Ok. Fuck.

"Im sorry baby-"

"Please don't call me that." my heart sinks. "I should be allowed to be upset and need space, just like you needed space so you left for 2 hours. If I could stand up right now, I would too, but I can't. So please, I need some space. Thankyou." she says, her voice sounding incredibly tired and not soft like usual.

I feel like a bad husband. I am a bad husband, I have been since the day we got married.

But now I am also a shitty father. I have a kid and I abandoned him for the first 2 hours of his life because of my own stupid thoughts.

I let something that happened 16 years ago effect what was supposed to be the best day of our lives. Our first born child came into the world and I left, 4 minutes later.

Fuck I am an asshole. I hurt her every single day. She has cried everyday because of me. She needs me to be sensitive. And I am the farthest thing from it.

Seeing how she has sunken into the bed and her body seems relaxed, Alana seems to be asleep. I sigh, walking around the bed over to my son. He is also sleeping, bundled up in a blue blanket, he is tiny, but rather tall.

I reach down and caress his tiny cheek with my finger, my hand looking giant next to his face. Just like it does with his mother.

The doctor opens the door but immediately recoils when she sees Alana asleep.

She motions me to come outside so I do, with one last glance at my boy.

"Mr. Moretti, I had just come to ask Alana how she is, but she's asleep, did she tell you? Is she experiencing any discomfort?" The doctor asks. I shake my head. Fuck I dont know.

"I am not sure, she didn't say anything." I tell her.

"Do you have a name for the baby?" she asks again.

No, because I didn't stick around long enough to talk about that.

I shake my head.

"Okay, the baby boy is completely healthy, all his vitals, everything looks great. Alana looks good too, all her tests came back normal. The tears will take a few weeks to heal, she'll have more discomfort and pain than normal, and ofcourse the stitches will dissolve on their own, Ill check on them when she comes-"

"Stitches?" I ask my eyebrows furrowing.

"Oh yes she suffered a few tears to her perineum due the baby's head being too large for her smaller stretching ability. We have stitched them up, they will heal in a few weeks but sitting, walking other such activities can be painful for the weeks to come." She explains.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

"There was no way to avoid them? Couldn't you tell the baby was too big? There is nothing you could do to prevent hurting her?" I ask, my voice tense.

"Mr. Moretti, I am sorry but the tears are common with first time mothers. The baby is in the 99th percentile, it was expected." She purses her lips. "Don't worry, we have her on painkillers for minimal pain. I will check back with you in a while." She nods, walking away.

"Fuck." I curse.

Fuck.