First Lies Are Never Forgotten

Chapter 7

Scarlett

I push open the doors and take a seat on the benches. I welcome the feel of coldness from the ice in front of me and take out my skates. I love figure skating. If I weren't a doctor, I would've been a figure skater, but I stopped playing it professionally when...Connor told me to.

I hate any other sport other than skating, especially football. Connor used to watch it every night. Even when there were no matches, he'd put an old one on.

I rid my mind of thoughts of Connor, and go on the ice.

Last night I couldn't sleep. I thought about what Addison said; I should be myself and hope for the best with the chief job. I can't do that. Like I said before, I am not one to be afraid of admitting something difficult, so I'll admit that I am lost. Who I am now is not someone I would give the job to. Who I am now is not a person people like. People respect me because I am good at my job, people fear me because I have gone through hell and now I breathe fire. People might want me as an ally because I am lethal. I don't shrink myself in order to make others feel comfortable and I always get what I want. So, no. People don't like who I am now, they don't want to befriend me.

I don't either. When I came to the States, I didn't want any friends. I want to finish med school and put my past behind me. I failed at both. I just couldn't get rid of Addison. It actually makes me laugh everytime I think about it. The first time I met her, I was such a bitch to her. I called her out on the chocolate around her mouth and her daddy issues. I didn't even know she really had daddy issues, but I got lucky. Anyone other than Addison would've cried and ran away, slapped me and called me a bitch or both, but Addison didn't. She humiliated me bright back and stole the cronuts in my hand. After that she just kept showing up everywhere I went and she pushed.

That woman really is meant to be a therapist. She didn't know when to stop, she just knew that I needed her in my life. She kept being my friend even when I pushed her away. She told me she loved me like a sister when I told her she was a mad woman for scarring a professor after he tried to grab my ass. She was there for me at the lowest time in my life and she helped me heal. She became my only family here, she became my family and she saved me. She did all that and she doesn't even know it.

I don't like to lie. I don't do it. I can keep a secret for addie or something. But if something is about me, I don't lie. I will not answer if I don't want to or change the subject, but I will never lie. I hate lying. Addison knows everything about me, except what happened in the UK that made me come here. The reason why I haven't been with a man for the past 9 years.

I just can't be defined as that woman again, here. I don't want to. I have changed since the moment I left that hospital in London. I needed a hero so I became my own, but it was too late. I conquered my demon but not after I got so many scars. I lost everything and the only thing I got out of my life in the UK is my heart still beating.

I came here to be a new person. A person who only let Addison Carter in. A person who will do everything in their power to be chief of pediatrics, because I already rule that department, I just need the title to prove to myself that I have something. That I came here and became someone else. Someone stronger and more accomplished.

I need to find a way to get that position. I think back to Aaron's idea but it is madness. I don't even like lying. I can't fake a whole family. It is wrong and unethical...and just too wrong. I just hope my need to accomplish this is not higher than my hate for lying, because if it is I will do my elaborate, dramatic and crazy plan and I know it won't end well.

I will do it because apparently it is my only option right now. I have no other idea and it is killing me.

I do not know how I would show them a good side of me. I became too smart to let fear guide me. Not too naive or too reckless. I am a warrior. I save little children's lives for a living and I should be so strong to do it. When you see a dying kid you feel like you are almost dying with them too, but I don't let it happen, I work and save them. No one knows me, real me. Even Addie knows parts of me, but not all. She doesn't know the calculating, matriculate and masterminded parts of me. The parts that have grown too cold to defrost. The dark and broken parts of me that I promised myself would never come back ever again.