First Lies Are Never Forgotten

Chapter 15

Scarlett

I open the door to my house and find Joey already ready to jump at me.

"Hello, little darling."

"Hi mommy. You look so beautiful."

"Thank you. So do you. I love your dress."

"Thank you, look at daddy. Does he look beautiful too?"

I look at him leaning on the door with a bored smirk and a raised eyebrow. His gray eyes meet my green ones and the same intensity they give me rushes through me again.

His blond hair is slicked back and it is not too short or too long. It is the perfect length for...Nope.

He's wearing a suit. He looks good in a suit. Great in fact. So great.

He looks like he was sculpted for the museum with his blond hair, godly eyes and huge, muscular body. Every detail about him should belong to paintings and statues of Greek gods.

"He looks..." I look at Joey again, cutting our intense eye contact. "Great, just not as beautiful as you." I tickle her and enjoy her sweet giggles.

She is beautiful, radiant. She is wearing a yellow dress, her favorite color. I love her green eyes that are brought out by her dress. Her dirty blond hair flowing around her like butterflies fluttering her rosy cheeks. She is magnificent. She is smart and funny. JJ is everything I could've imagined my kid would be.

I need to stop torturing myself.

For the first time in 9 years I woke up smiling.

For the past 9 years this was me trying. Trying to survive. Trying my best. Trying to find a reason to start living. This was me trying to have a purpose other than work. Trying to find something to call my own, to call home. I was trying to find something to make me truly smile.

I finally stopped trying because I found it. Just the thought of decorating JJ's bedroom made me wake up smiling. She is my reason and my purpose and I know I will have to lose her too at some point. I should not have let myself get this attached to this kid, but it is impossible.

I want JJ in my life. Like I said, I need to stop tutoring myself, because it will never happen.

"Okay, let me show you the surprise I have for you."

"You have a sur-prise for me?" I love it when she divides words like this. She started to improve most of them , but from time to time it still happens.

"Yes. I do." I take her in my arms and go upstairs. I don't even bother inviting him in. Last time he was here he invited himself in and trapped me inside.

I opened one of the doors upstairs and showed her her room, "Here is your room , JJ."

"AAAAHHHHH! Mommy this is huge! Bigger than Auntie Addie's." Yes it is.

"It is yellow!" Yes it is.

"AAHHHH!" She slides down and runs towards the toys I bought for her. They are all marvel and disney. Her favorite.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!" I lean down and take her hug. She whispers in my ear, "I want you to be my mommy, forever."

I allow myself to enjoy this moment, even though I have no right too. But I enjoy her hug and breathe in her scent.

I love this kid and I should not have done this. It will make things even harder to let her go. I also ignore the stabbing pain her 'forever' comment just caused and hug her tighter.

I hear Joshua clear his throat.

I stand up and smile down at her. "Why don't you play, while daddy and I talk."