First Lies Are Never Forgotten

Chapter 45

Scarlett

I have been pacing in front of Diaz's family house for...I look at my watch...half an hour. The whole half hour was just me and my nerves playing bloody beetle ships together.

I step on their porch and ring the doorbell. Bloody hell! Why did I do that?

Nope. I am leaving.

"Mommy?" Her innocent voice rings through my whole body. I turn around to find the door opened wide with JJ and Aaron's mom at the door.

"Hello, little darling." I smile down at her.

"Scarlett, how are you?" Aaron's kind mom smiles at me. Oh, you have no idea of what I did to them, do you?

"I am...good. Thank you. How are you?"

"Great. I did not know you were coming by."

"I...I just needed to talk to JJ." I look down at the grumpy little angel.

"I don't want to talk to you, mommy. You made me sad." My teeth grind together and I force myself to break down right now.

"I know. I can explain, JJ..." I look up at Aaron's mom who has a sympathetic expression on her face. I do not know what to do.

"JJ, we are out of ice cream. Can you go with mommy and get us more?" I will love this woman forever.

JJ sighs, "Sure." She walks out the door and I mouth 'thank you' to Aaron's mom. Shen nods and smiles.

JJ does not reach for my hand like she used to, which rips right through my heart, but I deserve that.

I put her in the back seat and took her to the nearest store, but she does not talk to me the whole ride. I need her to talk to me. I need to make this right.

I park the car and pick her up from the back. She pouts and does not return my hug like she used to when I could take her in my arms.

"I am sorry JJ. For not calling or seeing you when you wanted me."

"Where were you mommy?"

"I was..." I was stupid. I was lost. I was...depriving myself from the family I want most. I was grieving. I was trying to start a new life, but I failed. I build one that does not make me happy and I want to be happy. I want to be with your father and I want to raise you. I want another chance.

"I thought I was doing something bad." To you and Joshua. "But I did it to myself. I do not want that anymore. I want to be happy."

"I don't understand mommy. Are you leaving us?" Her forest green eyes collide with mine and I almost cry again.

"I know. I know. Look JJ...I will never leave again. I promise you. Your dad and I...might not be together, but I will always be there for you. Whenever and wherever you need me, I will be there. I...I love you Joey. You are the best thing that happened to me since...in a really long time. You are my everything. My favorite, precious angel. My little darling. I am so, so sorry for leaving like that, it will never happen again. I promise."

"You do?"

"Yes."

She takes a long moment then she smiles up at me. My god, that smile is everything.

"I love you too, mommy." She sweetly says.

She hugs me and I finally breathe again. My heart starts beating again. Functioning normally. Even better, it is happy. It is hopeful and safe. It feels safe.

"Daddy is sad too, mommy."

I sigh and pull her closer to me. "I know."

"He said he misses you too. You have to apologize like we did. I picked the flowers, we can bring flowers too. Daddy likes red ones." Red Roses.

Miss me? Does he miss me? He hates me. After what I did...it is unforgivable.

Apologize? Oh...the day they came to the hospital. The day all of this started. That day...I chuckle. It all happened because my little darling said they should bring me flowers and apologize.

That little matchmaker.

"I will try. Now...Let us buy loads of ice cream!"

"Yayyyy!!!" She smiles and starts opening the car door.

I got JJ back. That was the most important thing. I know she is young and hopefully she won't remember me hurting them, but I know he will forever remember it.

I know he does not want me anymore. He truly hates me now.

I might be in JJ's life if he will allow it, but I know I will never be in his.