He didn't love me. Not really, but it wasn't really his fault, I don't think. I think we were just two kids trying to figure out love. Following the only examples that we had. Neither of them healthy enough to call love. Or maybe I wasn't enough. Or maybe I was far too much.
These are things I'll never know for sure. My questions left unanswered until the bitter end. They pile up, one after the other. Was it real? Or was it all in my head? Imagining who I wanted you to be, what I wanted us to be.
What I do know, I loved him. Every fiber of my being kneeling, submitting to him. He held a power over me that no one else ever could. He used that power to claw out the bleeding, thumping organ behind my ribs just to watch it beat for him with gruesome curiosity.
The funny thing about being broken by the one you thought was the one is that you'll never believe there's no one else. No one else could love. Why would you believe anything else? Your heart much too ugly and shattered to be seen again.
Until you've been shown real love, you'll never understand what it is or what it feels like. Love will continue to tear your into shreds until you find the one who will glue them back together. A beautiful new creation. Stronger than ever. But until then, you continue to question. Was it real love?
I tried to show him real love, well what I thought love was. Time and time again. Pushing myself to the breaking point, then pushing even more. Contorting myself into what you want me to be.
But maybe that was what went wrong, me bending to your every will. Losing myself while trying to find you
ŞİMDİ OKUDUĞUN
My Head's Above Water
ŞiirLosing the one you thought you'd have forever will really put things into perspective. Life and death, love and hate, the old and the new. Lay back and relax, we're getting over a heartbreak one miserable poem after the other.
