And The Games Begin

Chapter 42

The day after he meets Jungkook's family, Jimin is sitting in the interview room, hands clasped together in his lap.

" Tomorrow is the big day. The proposal." He swallows. " Or not."

Lydia's voice comes from behind a camera. " Do you feel better about what happened with you and Jungkook?"

He shrugs. " Yes and no. We haven't really addressed it since, and I do want to tell him the entire story. I want him to know. It's just." He picks at a loose thread in his shorts. " It's not the right time. Basically, I'm a big; fat chicken." He forces out a fake smile, and he knows it looks more like a grimace than anything. " A lot of things have been unexpected, since being on the show, yeah? I didn't expect to make a new best friend, and have him here at the finale with me. Knowing that either Cam or myself will end up heartbroken is the shittiest thing I can comprehend, really. I didn't expect to become this invested this quickly.

" Do you love Jungkook?"

His eyes well up with tears. " So much. He makes me so crazy."

" And you haven't told him yet?"

" No."

" Do you have a reason for that?"

" I don't want to look like a fool again, Lydia. The last time I poured my heart out to someone in a situation like this, I found myself single and devastated and betrayed."

" I think you need to put your pride away, Jimin. What if Jungkook thinks you truly, genuinely don't love him because you haven't been able to voice it? Jesus, Jimin, this is different. He's different. Jungkook isn't your ex."

Jimin nods. " You're right. You're absolutely right." He stands up and walks out of view of the camera, but he knows the mics pick it up when he says, " Okay, I need your help with something."

The morning of the proposal. Jimin's entire body is wracked with nerves. He can't think straight, can't manage to hold down breakfast. Cam has, for sure, told Jungkook that he loves him. Jungkook might have said it back. Who knows.

He's royally screwed, all because he couldn't spit out the words I love you that have been on the top of his tongue for weeks.

He dresses slowly, stepping into the dress trousers provided by the network, and he can't believe it's so fucking hot outside. The camera crew walks in as he starts buttoning up his shirt, already starting to sweat.

" Hey, Jimin, you almost ready?" Lydia asks.

He nods. " Yeah, I think so. Do I have to do an interview beforehand?"

" Yup. We'll try and make it quick. Jungkook's already on his way down there."

Jimin swallows. " Alright, let's do it then. Can't keep the boy waiting."

" Don't forget, you don't get to keep that suit. Leave it in your hotel room after the proposal."

" I would ask if you're kidding, but at this point, I know better."

Jimin follows Lydia outside and squints in the sunlight. It's probably an additional 30 degrees hotter in the sun than inside his villa, and he tugs at his tie uncomfortably. He waits as they set up the camera and attach his mic on the inside of his jacket - a ritual he is now way too familiar with, and can't believe how on edge he feels. He blows his hair out of his eyes, even though it's styled up into a quiff. Nervous habit, and all that.

" Jimin." Lydia begins, clipboard in hand as usual, " How'd you wake up feeling this morning? Complete sentences."

He waves his hand around; he knows the drill. " I woke up this morning felling extremely anxious. I have a lot of things I want to say to him but." He shrugs. " Some things need to be private, and that's hard to come by when you're being filmed about 90% of the day." He rolls his neck, muscles stiff with tension. " He doesn't know I love him. I told everyone else before I told him, because I'm sick with pride and couldn't get my head out of my ass long enough to tell him. And that's. That's a huge problem. I'm going into this with a lot of doubt in my mind I'm sure Jungkook feels the same way. Shit, I hope he doesn't." He clears his throat and looks down at the ground. The dirt is damp, even though it's dry as hell out here. When did the crew actually manage to spray down the lot? Jesus Christ. " To be clear, I don't have doubt about how i feel; rather, I have doubt that Jungkook doesn't know. And that this is all ending. The idea of him telling me he doesn't want me and he's going to propose to Cam instead makes me want to drown myself in the ocean."

The camera guy stops the camera.

" Perfect, man. We're all set."

He nods and shoves his hands in his pockets. " Can we go and get this over with?"

Lydia laughs. " Much Faith you have."

" Oh, so much."

" Follow me; the van will take you down to Jungkook."

Deep breathes. " Okay."

The ride is probably no more than five minutes, buts it's long enough for Jimin to think about jumping out into the open motorway four times, long enough for him to feel car sick, and when the van rolls to a stop, Jimin is about one stop away from demanding a bucket to vomit in.

He walks down the path slowly, trying not to pick up dirt as to not mess up his suit, and he avoids his gaze with the camera man walking just in front of him. He expects there are many more down at the scene, though, and he braces himself for it.

The first thing Jimin notices about the final destination is how intimate it is. There aren't nearly as many crew members as he thought there would be, and though the ones that are there are all filming him, capturing his reaction and taking shots of the scene itself, it feels less invasive than it has in the prior weeks of relentless and constant recording. For some reason, the fact that this feels more private makes him more anxious.

The second thing he notices is Jungkook, standing several yards away in the centre of a gazebo overlooking the ocean. He hasn't seen them since after their visit with Jungkook's family, and the nerves in his stomach kick up violently. If he doesn't focus, he honestly might stop breathing completely.

And then their eyes lock and Jungkook smiles. It helps for a moment. But Jimin knows him well enough to know that his smile is a nervous one, and it makes Jimin feel simultaneously better and worse, better because their in the same boat, worse because Jungkook might be nervous for different reasons than Jimin is.