Muted (穆然)

2

It was already noon when I woke up the next day, and my boss gave me a day off because I had been working for a week. My stomach ached with hunger, so I got up, grabbed something to eat, and started to clean up the room.

To be honest, I really want to be as pretentious as in the TV series, something like "throwing all his things out so that there is no longer his breath in the room" or something like that. But in fact, what I threw out was just what I bought him and he never used it. For him, my place is just a free hotel where he occasionally stays. He never considers this place to be his home. He has no nostalgia for this place and will leave his own atmosphere.

All that really needs to be tidied up is the bedroom. The room was still the same as it was yesterday. Everything else was fine except that the bed was a mess. I resisted the desire to vomit and reached out to turn over the sheets and quilt. Finally, I didn't see that thing on it. Otherwise, I probably would have vomited on the bed on the spot.

In fact, I really wanted to drag the bed out and throw it away, but the bedroom door really didn't allow it, so I had to replace everything I could. The quilt cover, sheets and pillow covers have all been washed, and I plan to wait for them to dry and then give the quilt core to the old lady downstairs who collects the garbage. Then I cleaned the house thoroughly. Lying on the sofa and looking at the clean and tidy room, I felt a little more comfortable. It was almost time for dinner at this time, and I was ready to treat myself and go out for a good meal.

Qinxiangyuan's hotpot has always been my favorite.

In fact, the picture of eating hot pot is just a fun. A group of people sat together, the soup was boiling, and the steam made people's faces turn red. Everyone was using chopsticks, and they were fighting and making a fuss. Their laughter almost broke the roof.

It's a pity that I don't have a small group that can accommodate me, and I don't have friends who can come out and drink with me with just a phone call. So I was sitting alone in the hall.

One person occupies a table, and one person faces a hot pot.

Now is the best time for business, and the hall is full of people. I looked up and glanced around, and there was only one person at my table. I was a little ashamed and could only look down at my phone frequently, pretending to be waiting for someone to come. In fact, I know I'm being silly like this. In such a big place, so lively and joyful, who would pay attention to a stranger in the corner.

Sitting at the table next to me was a young couple. The girl complained that the soup base was too spicy and she couldn't eat it. The boy asked the waiter to bring him a bowl of clear soup. He took out the vegetables, rinsed off the red oil and spicy food in the clear soup, and then put them into the girl's bowl. He said helplessly: "I told you that you can't eat spicy food." I asked for clear soup, but you wanted the spicy one." The girl pouted, "I just wanted something spicy." The boy pinched the tip of her nose lovingly.

I stared blankly at the boiling soup in front of me. When I eat with Yi Tian, I always only care about him and not myself. Whatever he likes or whatever I think is delicious, I put everything into his bowl without leaving any for myself. Once he was sick and said he wanted to drink porridge. When I finished it and brought it over, he was already asleep. At that time, he hadn't eaten anything all day. I woke him up and tried to coax him to eat some. As soon as I brought the porridge over, he slapped me in the face. The bowl was knocked over, and all the porridge that had just come out of the pot fell on my lap. I got blisters from the burn. During that time, every step I took, the material of my pants rubbed against the burned skin, causing pain and burning.

Suddenly someone grabbed the corner of my clothes. I came back to my senses. When I turned my head, I saw a little boy about three years old looking at me with big eyes. Maybe it's because the hall is a little hot, but the baby's face is as red as a big apple.

I curled my lips and teased him: "Does the baby have anything to do with uncle?"

The little baby frowned and thought, trying to come up with something.

There was a woman chasing after me with a bowl. When she saw me, she quickly apologized: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Didn't the naughty kid cause you any trouble?"

I smiled and shook my head, "The baby is very cute."

The woman smiled at me with motherly pride on her face.

When the baby saw his mother coming, he ran away on his little legs. The woman chased after helplessly, coaxing: "Haohao, can you take another bite? If you don't eat, mom will eat it. 'Ouch', mommy will really eat your rice!"

I looked at the back of the young mother and listened to her childish and cute words to coax her child, and I felt sour and painful in my heart for no reason. I gritted my teeth to suppress the moisture in my eyes. It was so embarrassing and sad. How could I even envy a child of a few years old?

The meal was not a happy one and I ended up leaving the place almost as if to escape.

When we got on the bus, there were only a few people in the bus. Looking at those people sitting in single seats who seemed as lonely as me, I took a deep breath and felt some comfort in my heart.

I am unlucky, so I hope that everyone in the world will struggle in pain. When I see other people's happiness and perfection, I feel jealous. Being so ugly makes me feel sick.

Lean your head against the car window, neon lights flashing outside. The streets were still lively and bustling, but my heart was desolate, as silent as stagnant water.

At a certain stop, the bus stopped, and a girl about 20 years old got on, holding a phone in her hand and saying something. She looked around and sat behind me.

"Dad! I heard from mom that you were secretly drinking again, right?!" The girl's voice was not loud, but it was very clear in the empty bus, and someone was looking at her sideways.

The girl didn't care about other people's eyes and continued talking on the phone, "What do you mean by complaining! Mom is not doing it for your own good!"

"If I hear you drinking again, I won't come back during the holidays, and I won't come back in the future! Find another daughter!" Someone in the car laughed. Although the girl was a little pampered and rude, she could tell that she was a daughter. A very filial daughter.

"Humph, that's pretty much it! Dad... I miss your cooking so much... Yeah, yeah, I want to eat potatoes and beef! Braised eggplant! Brine shrimp and cola chicken wings! ... Yeah, yeah, make them for me when I get back. ! Dad, I love you!!" One minute she was lecturing, and immediately she turned into a little daughter acting coquettishly to her father. Everyone in the car cast envious glances. It was obvious that this girl must have been praised since she was a child. Care for the grown-up children in the palm of your hand.

I opened my eyes wide and looked out the window. I didn't know why my vision was getting blurry. I couldn't bear to blink, but tears finally fell down in large drops. He gritted his teeth hard and finally couldn't help but burst into tears.

Me, what I want in my life is nothing more than this, nothing more than this.

I also miss having my parents prepare a table full of meals for me when I get home. I miss my mother who was so worried that I couldn't sleep by my bed when I was sick. I miss climbing mountains with my dad, watching football games and chatting about life together. I miss the holidays so much. There was a large family sitting together, including grandparents who held my hand and my younger brothers and sisters who pestered me to play with them.

I love Yitian. Because he is so good, because he has parents who love him, because he has a group of good brothers, and because he has gathered all my yearning and admiration in him.

I just thought, if I try to get closer to such a happy person, could I be tainted with some of his happiness? Can it also give me hope again in my unfortunate life?

The car was so quiet that only my crying could be heard.

I know it's really embarrassing for a grown man to cry like this.

But I felt so uncomfortable in my heart that all the indifference and strength I held high collapsed in the warmth of others. Because I saw their happiness and smiles, I became more and more aware of the fact that I was the only one who had no one to rely on and was not needed.

I'm just, I'm just a little sad.