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(time jump)

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(time jump)

"I can't stand it in this house" James said in annoyance from the sofa in godrics hollow.

James had left Shell cottage to the disposal of the Weasleys. He couldn't face ever selling it.

It was one of Camilla's dreams that had come true and it almost felt as if getting rid of it would be getting rid of her. How could he possibly do that?

The Potter manor had far too much nostalgia and was far too large. It allowed him to think and thinking too deeply never led to anything good.

It aftermath was left to Molly weasley to sort out. James couldn't face it. Her clothes were still hung up in the wardrobe and still carried her scent whilst her broom still stood against the door frame and the quidditch magazine she was reading was still open on her bedside table. Even molly herself hadn't been able to go through her younger sisters things. They still laid there at Shell cottage, slowly collecting dust.

Godric hollow was quaint. Larger than Shell Cottage, less beautiful, but a good and practical place to raise his son.

Harry seemed to enjoy it there. Well, as much as a one year old can expressly communicate their contempt of their surroundings. It had a nice back garden, not they could go out in it, and was in a nice friendly little village. It was ideal for a new young family.

Lily had just put Harry to bed for the night and had joined James on the sofa.

Being in hiding had taken a toll on all of them. The sky outside always seemed dark and foreboding yet being cooped up inside seemed far worse than venturing outside into the pouring rain.

They had been locked inside for just a year now and James felt he was slowly loosing his mind.

He glanced to his broom.

"I'm going for a fly on my broom" he eventually decided, standing up in a haste, succumbing to his restlessness.

"You know you can't James" Lily shook her head

"I can't stand it lily!" James sighed, running a hand though his messy hair, "I can't do it anymore!"

"Do you think I don't feel the same?!" lily snapped back, "don't you think that I don't feel suffocated trapped here day in day out? This isn't a choice James!"

"I know that Lily, I just... miss flying"

"You don't miss flying" Lily shook her head, "You miss her. You miss our school days and you miss flying with her and the freedom! And I miss her too!... Every day. Every single minute of everyday"

James shook his head, "I just need to get out and get some fresh air"

Lily just rested her head in her hands in defeat. It seemed their lives would never be one of satisfaction and normality was such a foreign concept.

She didn't understand James.

Not like Camilla did.

"Please James" She whispered, "I'm trying"

James softened and retook his seat on the sofa beside her. They sat in silence for a while.

"I can't be Cam. I just can't. I know you search for her in me. But i'm not" Lily said softly, "And i know it frustrates you. You try so hard to find her in me, but i'm not Camilla, James"

"I know Lily" He replied, "But neither am I... I see the way you look at me when I talk about quidditch, you see her in me"

"How can I not" Lily said with sadness but a hint of amusement, "Alice would always say that you had the same souls, the same heart"

The pair of them let it settle between them for a few moments.

The realisation that they both had been actively searched for Camilla in the other had truly been heart wrenching.

"You know Harry is my world" James eventually spoke, looking longingly out the window

"I know that" Lily agreed, "I know, but you're not here. You're not here with us James. You're always away in your head. You're thinking of Cam and we need you here. Harry and I need to you here"

"I don't think I can ever stop thinking about her lils" he replied, a strain in his voice

"I'm not asking you to" she smiled gently, "I wake everyday and think of her, she was best friend James, my sister. I don't want you to forget her, truly, I don't, but we can't carry on living like this. For Harry's sake... please. I don't want our son to grow up in a house filled with grief, it's not fair to anybody, especially Camilla. You and I both know what she would say to us both if she were here now"

"She'd tell us to get a grip" James chuckled fondly as lily nodded with a soft smile

"She would. Don't you think we should honour that? If not for ourselves then for Harry and Camilla?"

James could finally bring himself to look at Lily.

Her hair was slightly a mess from trying to get Harry to bed, he hated bedtime, and her eyes were tired and had dark bags beneath them.

When were they finally going to start looking after themselves.

"Okay" James simply nodded.

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A/N

Thank you for 500k ! that's fucking insane

I love you all xxxxxxx

I just thought i'd give u all a little insight into my brain abt the plot and things bcs I know a lot of people aren't very happy about it lol.

As a writer I cannot for the life of me stray from Cannon. I just can't do it. I like writing books that can fit into the books/films almost like they could have actually happened. Writing a James fic you always sort of know that the endings are going to be sad as it is James Potters sadness that leads to the whole journey with Harry.

Similarly, this is why I love James Potter as a character. James is written as a character full of life and happiness which he shares to ppl around him and his life ending up so sad in the end is what makes his story line so beautiful. James Potter as a character is made to be flawed from the beginning and there's something very beautiful in that. He as a character is tragically beautiful and it is so core to the whole franchise of harry Potter.

That's my ted talk anyways.

(ps. will post more chapters when have time)

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