Nothing's Fine

• 87: Past Era •

Irene answered the door a couple moments later and immediately I felt as if I'd been transported to a different time. I could see the foyer and hallway that led into the living room, and where the entrance to the kitchen was.

I rocked back on my heels for a moment and took a breath before I raised my eyes to meet Irene's. She had a warm expression on her face.

"Charlie! I'm glad you made it. Come in," she said.

"Thanks," I replied. I stepped inside and could smell familiar spices being cooked. It made my chest hurt a little for it to feel like a past era that I could never fully get back to.

"So, uh, how was the drive over?" Irene asked as I took my shoes and jacket off.

"It was fine. Mason drove me," I explained. She smiled and nodded.

"He seems like he really cares about you," she said. She took my jacket and hung it in the front closet.

"He's great," I said shyly. It was an understatement for sure, but I didn't really feel like I knew how to talk to Irene yet.

We walked towards the living room and I noticed there were not any family pictures on the walls. They'd all been taken down. The only wall decor was a generic painting that had been there since I was a kid. I wondered if Irene had wanted to erase me from her memory when she did it or if it was too hard to see my father. The room hadn't changed otherwise – same furniture, same layout.

The coffee table had two teacups and a small pot on it, with a little box of teas open next to them. It felt sort of nice to know that Irene had prepped this knowing I was coming over, but also sort of foreign too. It was odd to be a guest in a place I once lived in, but I knew she was trying.

"Uh, sit anywhere you like," Irene said, noticing how I hovered near the couch with uncertainty. "Do you like tea? Pick any you like."

"Yes, thanks," I said, deciding on a spot and sitting down. My eyes scanned the box of teas and settled on green. I opened the package and put the tea bag in my cup.

Irene sat in the arm chair slightly facing the couch I was on. She also grabbed green tea and began to pour the hot water for both of us.

"So... how's school?" Irene asked. I shrugged.

"It's okay. I have good grades," I said, reaching for my tea. The small talk felt a little weird – like she was some distant relative checking in and not my mother. "Um, how's work?"

"It's good. Not too busy," she said.

"Nice," I said, nodding at that. There was a pause where we both sipped our tea in silence.

"Thanks for coming... I know none of this has been easy," Irene started, breaking the silence. "Again, I want to apologize for everything. For abandoning you when you needed me most, for missing years of your life, for not knowing you were all alone on the streets, for the pain you went through because of me, for the way I've acted and have been acting since running into you. You don't have to come live with me. And, you don't have to say anything now. I just want you to know how sorry I am. I know it doesn't erase any of the past, but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you'll let me. I would love to get to know the beautiful, wonderful daughter that I have."

I took a deep breath, trying to digest the words coming out of her mouth. It meant a lot to know she was truly sorry, despite being terrified of trusting her again.

"Thank you," I said. "I appreciate that." I took another deep breath. "I... I am open to getting to know each other again, but I think I need it to be at a slower pace for now."

"That's understandable... whatever you need," Irene said with a small smile.

"I uh– I'll be back. Washroom," I said feeling strangely emotional. I really just needed a break from the intensity of this conversation. I stood up and began heading down the hallway, remembering where it was.

As I walked to the bathroom, I passed by what used to be the guest room. The door was ajar allowing me to see in for a moment. It was now decorated to be a child's room, pink and purple decor everywhere, and in the middle sat my little sister playing with her toys. 

I couldn't see her face, but I could see she had curly brownish-red hair like mine sprawled around her shoulder and skin a little fairer than mine from her hands. I wondered if she got my dad's eyes or Irene's. I heard her tiny girlish voice as she pretended to talk with her toys and felt a tear run down my face. I wiped it away quickly and spun around.

I rushed back out to the foyer, much to Irene's surprise.

"Charlie?" she called walking towards me.

"I'm so sorry. I–I have to go," I replied, dragging my shoes on.

"Is everything okay?" she asked. I couldn't face her as I nodded. I quickly grabbed my jacket from the closet.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I just – I can't – I'm sorry," I mumbled, disappearing out the front door.

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Author's Note: Hii friends! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated! Happy to finally have this chapter out for you all! Hope you like it! Also hopefully I can get a new one done soon! <3