Nothing's Fine

• 22: She Was •

(slight TW for the end of this chapter)

Mason pulled up to a nearby park and shut off the engine. I glanced out the window and saw an open field with fresh-cut grass. Lining the side and back of the field is a lush green forest. Mason opened his car door and got out. I was confused but followed him nonetheless. I assumed he'd sit somewhere on the grass, but he cut through the field and toward the trees with me a few steps behind him. As we reached the forest, Mason didn't stop.

"Where are we going?" I asked. Mason didn't turn around but answered me anyway.

"I'm showing you something," He said, reaching for my hand. Despite my confusion, I gave it to him, allowing him to weave us in and out of trees.

I tried not to trip over little stumps and branches as we trek through the woods. I noticed that we were actually climbing a slight hill. The only sounds were our breathing, and the soft crunching of fallen leaves. After another five minutes of hiking, we reached a clearing, with a cliff at the end of it. There were wild flowers that stretched to my knees and they lowered towards the stretch of the cliff. Mason let go of my hand and walked to the edge of the cliff.

He stared over it for a few moments before sitting down. Gingerly, I walked over and sat down beside him. I looked out at the view and sucked in a breath. It was spectacular. I could see some of the city, and beyond that, the mountains.

I glanced at Mason as I brought my knees up to my chest. The silence was deafening. It seemed as if the birds, the wind – the entire world was set on mute. I took a deep breath and broke the stillness.

"Mason?" I whispered. He turned to me slightly. The question sat on my lips, playing with my tongue. My heart was pounding but I opened my mouth anyway. "Who's Sophia?"

Mason took a sharp breath and turned to me fully. His mouth opened and closed a few times, but nothing came out. There was an intensity of feelings in his eyes that almost made me cower and look away, but instead I swallowed hard and waited.

"She was..." he started. The word 'was' appeared almost too heavy to say. "She was my sister," he finally said.

"What happened to her?" I asked quietly. I watched as Mason's eyes got glassy, with unshed tears and my stomach dropped seeing him so hurt. "You – you don't have to –"

"When we were in grade eight, Sophia was in her first year of high school. She was naive and too trusting. Despite being strong minded at home..." A sad smirk crossed his lips fleetingly. "She was trying to find herself." Mason clenched his fists together as he spoke, and his demeanour shifted darker. "Then she met Dallas... bastard. They started dating and he introduced her to drinking and drugs. Sure, it was weed at first, but she moved to stronger drugs soon after." His voice shook with emotion as he spoke. "They changed her from her happy, upbeat, usual self to a cynical and depressed person. Of course, I was too stupid to see that it wasn't just high school stress. She became so unhappy and dependent on the drugs that one day... sh-she overdosed."

My eyes widened and I could feel a few tears welling up in them as I watched Mason's haunted facial expression. I took his swollen hand in mine, wanting to make it better. I couldn't. All I could whisper was, "I'm sorry."

I finally understood some of his pain. He lost someone too. I understood why he hated Dallas so much too. Hell, I hated him too.

Mason inched closer to me and wrapped an arm around my body. As he did, his sleeve shifted upward revealing a few of his scars. I rested my head on his shoulder and gently took that arm in my hands. I looked up at him, seeking approval. He nodded slightly and I rolled his sleeve up a little further.

I swallowed hard as fresh tears welled up in my eyes. There were numerous lines carved into his skin, starting near his wrist and inching towards his elbow. Some were more fresh while others had faded into scars.

I looked up at him and met his eyes. There was fear in them as he waited to see my expression, but it seemed to dissipate as I gently brushed my thumb across his forearm.

"I-I should have known. I should have been there. I should have protected her," he said quietly. An explanation. I frowned and shook my head.

"No, it's not your fault, Mason. You couldn't have known," I insisted softly. Mason shrugged, not believing me.

"You don't ge–"

"I do get it," I said firmly. I shifted away from him slightly, to do something I never thought I would. I rolled up my sleeve and wiped off the makeup on my forearm. My scars were more faded than his and there were less, but I did get it. I heard Mason suck in a breath and when I looked up at him, there was both sadness and understanding in his eyes.

"When?" he asked.

"Grade eight... I was angry and I hated myself," I explained, staring out at the view. "Of course, I still blame myself and I know you will no matter what, but taking it out on your body won't change what happened."

Mason shook his head, already dismissing the idea. "It's not that simple."

"I know. It is so hard," I started. "But Mason, you deserve better whether you believe it or not." I met his eyes silently pleading with mine. He sighed and pulled me against him again. I relaxed into his body and looked out at the view again.

"How did you stop?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"Guitar," I replied. "I distracted myself and tried to focus on the fact that I had a new home." Was I sure if that was the best way to deal with everything? No. But my heart ached knowing that Mason felt that level of pain and sadness. I wanted somehow to take it all away. "Use your art to help you," I added. "And me. To talk, distract you. Whatever you need. I don't care if it's three in the morning."

"Thank you," he said, the corners of his lips pulling up into a small small. "I'm also a light sleeper so if you holler, I'll be there too." I smiled back and intertwined one of my hands with his. 

We were quiet for a little, soaking in the serene scene in front of us. A light breeze rustled the wildflowers and tall grass. The clouds in the sky floated by calmly.

"How'd you find this place?" I asked, glancing around.

"I used to come to this park with Sophia and our parents when I was young. We used to have picnics up here," Mason said quietly. He traced little circles on the back of my hand with his thumb as he spoke.

"That sounds nice," I mused, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. As scary as letting him in was, he was finally letting me in as well. I just hoped that I could make things better... and that it didn't break me in the process.

________

Author's Note: I have had such writer's block and also started a new job so I have been so MIA from this story and writing in general!! I'm so sorry! I hope you liked this chapter, I made it longer and boy is a juicy one haha!

I hope everyone is having a happy holiday and merry Christmas! I'll probably post in January (hopefully) so happy new year to you all!  I hope 2023 is filled with joy and warmth!

On another serious note, if you or someone you know is struggling with any of the topics mentioned in this chapter, depression, hurting yourself, drugs etc. Please reach out to someone whether that's a doctor, a counsellor, a trusted adult... you're not alone and it does get better. You deserve to heal and feel peace. 

Sending you all love and light! xo