Nothing's Fine

• 8: Eight •

Charlie

I rinsed the rest of the makeup off of my skin and dried my hands in a towel, before heading back to the bedroom with a sigh. I sat on the bed and looked down at my scarred wrist as I absentmindedly bit the inside of my lip.

I started doing these shortly after moving in with the Wilsons. I found it hard to cope with the changes of no longer being in survival mode 24/7, the nightmares wouldn't stop and being under the spotlight of 'the new girl' once I started high school made it difficult. Everyone either wanted nothing to do with me or wanted to know every single aspect of my life on the street.

At the time, Emery and Tiffany were still friends, and were the only ones that fell into a middle ground. Or so I thought. Tiffany pretended to make an effort, but that was during the summer. When high school started, she became more interested in being popular and realized that making my life hell would help her achieve it.

For the first three months of high school, everyone was either talking about me or avoiding me like the plague. And while Emery was there and would hang out with me after school, the emptiness, loneliness, anger, and self-hatred ate away at me until I didn't feel like there was any other option but to physically feel it.

As much as I thought it would help. It didn't.

Then one day, that December, Linda asked me to go to the basement and grab some decorations for the Christmas tree we had forgotten. As I looked for it, a honey coloured, wooden, acoustic guitar sat in a far corner looking like it had been left untouched for years called out to me. After bringing Linda what she wanted, I went back downstairs and fooled around with the guitar. I was absolutely captivated by it. I brought it up to my room and taught myself to play using video tutorials from the Internet.

At the time, I didn't realize it, but that guitar was saving me from myself. While I wasn't healed, it filled the emptiness and drowned out the noise in a much better way. And slowly, I didn't have to feel the need to physically feel my pain anymore.

My phone rang, snapping me back to the present. I picked it up and flopped back into my pillows. "Hello?"

"Oh my God! Charlie! I just heard about the fire! How did that happen?" Emery was firing questions almost faster than I could process them. "Are you okay? Where are you staying? Did your stuff survive? How bad was the damage? Is everyone okay? Hello?"

I took that brief pause to finally speak. "Everyone's okay. We didn't get hurt. The damage isn't too bad... and uh yeah, I was able to get my things," I said, trying to remember all the questions she asked.

"Where are you staying?" she asked again.

"Um... at Linda's friend's house," I mumbled. I knew it was a lie by omission, but I wasn't in the mood for the excitement and screaming that Emery would erupt in when she found out.

"Okay, out with the truth," Emery prodded. I rolled my eyes, though I knew she couldn't see me.

"That technically wasn't a lie," I said. I heard her sigh in response and I chuckled. "By some weird twist of fate, Linda's high school best friend, is Mason Grey's mom. So... I am sleeping down the hall from him until my house is in liveable a condition."

"WHAT?" Emery shrieked. For a moment, I thought I blew an ear drum. "Beautiful green eyes, dark hair and mysterious Mason Grey! And you weren't going to tell me?"

"Because I knew you'd freak!" I laughed.

"Okay, fair..." she said. "I can be calm... now did you need a ride to school tomorrow? I would love to get a look of his house," she added, making me laugh once again.

***

I managed to avoid Mason all of Friday, by taking Emery up on her offer to get driven to school. Even though it was out of her way, she got to fill her curiosity, and I had more cool off time. Emery gushed about her up-coming date, and I let her, happy to hear her talk about how excited she was for this evening. I was also glad that I didn't have to talk about my evening with Mason. Before we knew it, we were at school and the day passed by quickly.

That night I spent my time in my new room and began getting caught up on the homework I had been falling behind on due to the events of this week. I brought dinner to my desk and didn't see Mason on the way to and from the kitchen, which I was grateful for.

On Saturday morning, I laced up my running shoes and was out the door before anyone was up. As my sneakers slapped against the concrete sidewalks, I found myself more excited than usual to go to my favourite spot. I was headed to Spanish Banks Beach, but it wasn't to swim, or sit in the sand. There was an old lighthouse in a secluded little area that I was able to climb up and sit on. The Grey residence was a little further than my house to get there, but I didn't mind the distance, as I had to jog to keep up my fitness for track.

An hour later, I was at the lighthouse and climbed up high to sit on the ledge that faced the water. I watched as the waves slowly crept towards the shore and breathed in the salty ocean air. The clouds were grey as they kissed the tops of the mountains across the water.

***

• Age 8 •

"Did you pack the water?" my mom asked as she smoothed out the blanket across the grass. Her reddish-brown hair glistened in the sunlight.

"Both flat and sparkling," my dad replied, holding up the picnic basket with a grin. My mom smiled in response and I felt warm inside.

While the two came from two different worlds, they were perfect together. My mom was white, and from the city, while my dad was black and from a smaller town. I liked the think of myself as a blend between the two of them and having the best of both worlds when it came to our Sunday picnics.

The air was fresh, and the sun was bright. We were up high on a hill, and I was sitting on the blanket, looking across the stretch of water. I couldn't quite see the other side, but I wondered what was there. Only briefly.

I was happy where I was. With both my parents, enjoying jerk chicken legs, and pasta salad. I was happy to stay here forever. When we finished eating, we would go to the park and Dad and I would have a swinging competition while Mom worried one of us would fall and break something.

But that wouldn't happen. Instead, we would stay flying free, with laughter in the air.

***

I now knew what was on the other side of the stretch of water, and there was a part of me that wished I didn't. However, I wasn't going back to the other side by the mountains. I wasn't eight anymore. I wasn't flying free. Those were all facts that I had to accept. 

______________

Author's Note: Yay! Finally a new chapter! Sorry for the delay! It's been hectic, but I'm slowly trying to upload and write more! :) Let me know what you think of this chapter. Xoxo!