True Lies - Steve Rogers X OC

Chapter 18 - Making changes

After a few minutes I set them down on the bed next to me and reach from Steve's letters. His are short and to the point always telling me he misses me and how he was saving lives just like his father had done before him. I smile as I think of his smiling face. I reach down and grasp his ring in my hand. As I open the last letter.


Maddy,
I can't wait until this war is over so I can tell you how much I appreciate you always being there for me. Peggy and I have grown really close these past few weeks, I think you were right about me being confused about who I loved. I love you but I love Peggy more me and her are going to go dancing when the war is over. I may even ask her to marry me. Maddy I wish you and Stark the greatest in life. I hope you two are very happy together. Please don't be mad at me for saying any of this. I just want you to be happy and I think you can be happier with Howard then with me. Maddy please live a long and beautiful life. I hope we can still be friends when I get back. I am sorry I made you confused about your feelings of me and Howard. Maddy I have to go please take care of yourself. I love you...
Your Friend
Captain Steve Rogers


I feel my heart start to break as I drop his letter. I stand and walk over to my dresser and pull out my knife and start bringing the blade down hard and fast on my arm slicing it. I watch as the wounds quickly heal and I do it again, and again, and again until the pain goes away. "Fine if he wants me to move on I will." I quickly reach into my dresser and pull out a black jumpsuit I had acquired when I was living in Japan as an assassin and I quickly slip it on. I tie all my knives to my waist and thighs and then walk back over to my vanity and take off the necklace and set it on top of the little table. I look at the door and hold back tears as I say, "I'm sorry Howard." I quickly take all of Steve and Bucky's letters and hide then in the floorboard along with Bucky's flag. I replace the boards so no one will ever find them and walk back over to my vanity and pull out a pen and a piece of paper and write,

Dearest Howard,
I am so sorry for what I am about to do. Just know that I am alive and well in the world. Please do not come looking for me. I don't want to be found. I hope you will continue your search for Steve. Please find him and bring him back so he can be with Agent Carter. I will return to you one day. I love you with all my heart, Goodbye Howard. Please keep my parents wedding rings safe until I return.

Your dearest love,

Maddy


I set the note on my pillow and cringe a little for lying to him. Then I walk back to my balcony and jump up onto the railing and look down. Thankfully my balcony is over water so I take a deep breath and jump. The water hits me like a slap in the face but I just keep swimming. One day I will see them again I just have to lie in wait until then.