Perfect (sequel to Style)(zouis mpreg)(book two)

fifteen: backstory

fifteen: backstory

"I was only ten when she left." Zayn finds himself whispering later that night. Louis was laying on Zayn's chest, the older's arms wrapped around him as he holds him close. The twins were also there, sleeping contently in the gap between Louis and Zayn's bodies. Zayn didn't really know what brought him to say what he said, he just suddenly couldn't keep it in anymore. Louis looks up at Zayn, a confused look on his face.

"Who?"

"My mother. She left when I was ten. I remember waking up and getting ready for school... Her and my father were arguing about something, but I didn't care what it was. They always argued, usually about me or how my father was drinking again. They hated each other, for as long as I could remember they always hated each other. That day was different though, I could just tell as soon as I walked into the kitchen. Both of them fell completely silent, staring at me with fake smiles on their faces as they pretended that everything was okay. She took me to school that day instead of having our driver do it like he normally did. She talked about how excited she was for my birthday which was in just a few days... She planned this great party and invited all of my friends and cousins to it. I was too caught up in the fact that I was late for school, I didn't even tell her that I loved her. I didn't know that was the last time I'd see her." Zayn stops talking after a minute, his voice cracking as he finished. Louis continues to look at him, a sad and sympathetic expression on his face as he kisses Zayn's cheek softly.

"It's okay, Zayn."

"I... I came home that day and the house was completely quiet. I walked into the study, wondering if my maybe my mother had decided to work in there instead of in the kitchen. My father was sitting at the desk, a bottle of whisky in his hands that was near empty. He glared at me when he noticed me standing there... He told me it was my fault she wasn't coming back, that it was my fault she left. He blamed me for their problems, he blamed me for everything... He hated me, he pretended like I didn't exist for the next year and if he did acknowledge me it was only to make me feel like shit. I was ten years old."  Zayn starts crying at that, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. He can't speak again for a moment, his throat dry and his chest a little too tight.

"You don't have to tell me this Zayn..." Louis whispers, knowing that this was hard for Zayn. Zayn never talked about his mother or his childhood.

"No, I want to tell you. I need to tell you." Zayn finally manages to get out. Louis nods, holding onto Zayn in hopes that maybe that would help reassure the older.

"He met Liam's mother when I was eleven, and it was like he was a completely different person. I didn't know what was going on until I met them... The way he treated Liam, it was almost as if Liam was more his son than I was. He gave Liam everything he wanted without even blinking an eye, but if I ever asked for something he wouldn't even look at me. I didn't get why Liam so special, I didn't get why he loved Liam more than he loved me. So I grew to hate Liam, I grew to envy him.... He had everything I wanted. He even had you."

"Liam and I were never..." Louis started only to have Zayn interrupt him.

"Oh please, Louis. He was in love with you. He loved you back when we were kids and he was in love with you until he knocked Niall up. You can tell me it's not true, but I know him. Liam was in love with you and I stole you away. I finally had something that he wanted and what did my father do? He sent you away. He convinced you that it was better if you left me, that the boys would be happier if you took them away from me... My father has taken everything I love away from me without a care in the world as to how I felt. He sits there and talks about how bad of a parent I am, how I don't put any effort into raising my sons... But he has no room to talk. If he had it his way, he wouldn't even be my father. Liam would be his son, not me... And maybe my life would be better that way. I wouldn't be so scared that you're going to leave me, I wouldn't be so damaged and I would be able to say I love you without worrying about you not saying it back." Zayn finally stops talking and the room falls completely silent. Louis bites his bottom lip, knowing that this is when he's supposed to say it. This is when he's supposed to tell Zayn that he loves him...

But he couldn't.

He couldn't because just like Zayn, Louis was scared.

But he wanted to.

"I want to say it back, but I can't." Louis whispers, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Why not?"

"Because it makes this real."

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Poor Zayn.

My baby.

I feel for him.

I cry.

QOTC: what did you guys think of what happened to Zayn? Do you think Louis will trust Zayn a little more now that Zayn's told him about his past?

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Connie xx