thirty-nine: the big what if
"I should leave..." Louis says after an awkward silence fell between them. Louis didn't know what else to do, he felt as if he was intruding and he didn't want to be here any longer. So Louis heads down the stairs, walking straight to the front door in a matter of seconds. Zayn was quick to follow him though, not wanting Louis to leave just yet.
"Do... Do you ever wonder about what would've happened if I had made you stay? If I had never let you leave, do you think the both of us would be together right now?" Zayn asks, looking at Louis as the younger stands with his back towards him. Louis' hand hesitates over the door knob as he bites his bottom lip, thinking about his answer. Louis lets out a soft sigh before turning to look at Zayn again. Louis could tell just by the way Zayn was looking at him what exactly it was that Zayn wanted him to say. Zayn wanted him to say yes and Louis wishes more than anything that he could.
"I don't think so... You and I... We were never meant to be a couple, we were never supposed to end up together. We were just supposed to have a one night stand, you know? We weren't supposed to have kids, we weren't supposed to fall in love. We just weren't." Louis says quietly, only being half honest. He felt that maybe if he had stayed... things would definitely be different.
"But we did. We did all of the things we weren't supposed to, so who's to say we wouldn't have? I like to think we would've... I mean, I loved you beyond words and for the most part I felt like you were at least starting to feel the same towards me near the end." Zayn says, his voice cracking a little as he starts to get a little emotional. He didn't know if it was the fact he was getting married or the fact that the one who got away was trying to get away yet again. Zayn knew that if he let Louis walk out that door again, he'd probably never see him again.
"I did... I won't lie to you and say I didn't, but things... Things change, Zayn and it really doesn't matter whether or not I did."
"I know... I guess, I just need that closure. I need to know that what the both of us had is... Is over and done with." Zayn says quietly, biting down on his bottom lip as he refuses to look at Louis for a moment. Louis lets out a sigh before doing the same, he wasn't really sure what he was supposed to say here.
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"When you left the last time, you told me that you lied about loving me... Did you mean that?" Zayn finally asks, looking at Louis once more as the younger of the two takes in a deep breath.
"Zayn..." Louis starts but he can't think of the right thing to say.
"Did you mean it?" Zayn asks again, looking a Louis expectantly. The room falls quiet again, Zayn wanting an answer and Louis once again unsure of what to say.
"No, I didn't." Louis finally says after a minute, refusing to look at Zayn again as he bites down on his bottom lip. Louis closes his eyes for a moment, trying his hardest not to cry but it was a lot easier said than done. Zayn finds himself walking over to Louis, reaching for the younger's hand as he cups his cheek.
"Lou..." Zayn whispers and Louis opens his eyes again. His breath catches in his throat as he realizes just how close Zayn was. Louis was so tempted to just lean in and kiss him, but his head kept screaming at him about how bad that would be. Zayn wasn't his any longer, he had no right.
"I... I should go." Louis says, moving away from Zayn only to have Zayn's grip on his hand get tighter.
"I don't want you to go." Zayn says, his voice soft and almost making Louis melt into his touch.
"Well I can't exactly stay." Louis whispers back, slowly moving his hand out of Zayn's.
"I want you to stay."
"You of all people should know why I can't. We... We shouldn't even be having this conversation right now. You're in a relationship, Zayn. I am not going to be the reason why you ruin your chance with Robbie again." Louis says, standing his ground as he pushes Zayn softy away from him. His hand grabs the doorknob again, actually turning it this time before Zayn stops him yet again.
"Please don't go." Zayn tries one last time, getting ready to grab Louis' hand yet again.
"I really can't stay..." Louis says again, but he makes no move to pull his hand back from Zayn. Zayn smiles softly at that, linking his fingers with Louis' as he leans in dangerously close yet again. Zayns lips brush Louis' ever so slightly, but they still gave that familiar jolt that always made Louis' heart start to race.
"You keep saying that, yet you haven't left." Zayn points out. Louis lets out a soft sigh before slowly leaning in to kiss Zayn's cheek only to have Zayn move causing Louis' lips to land on Zayn's. Zayn smirked into the kiss, his hands finding their way to Louis' face. Louis lets out a little squeak of surprise but it only took him a second to practically melt into Zayn's arms.
"Promise me you'll be here when I wake up?" Zayn whispers after he finally pulls away, his hands leaving Louis' face and slowly sliding down to the younger boy's hips. Louis smiles sadly, shaking his head a little as he takes Zayn's hands off his waist.
"I'm sorry."
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And that's chapter thirty-nine.
I'm thinking there's probably two or three more chapters left in this book.
So woohoo for that, right? haha.
Dedication goes to SmolLou
QOTC: how did you guys feel about this chapter?
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Connie xx
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