Have No Emotion, Show No Weakness

Support

It was a bleak January morning, and it had already been 8 months since Grace had been gone. Connie had felt herself putting distance between herself and anyone who even tried to come closer to her, the only person she found herself talking to was Charlie.

Jacob had barely spoken to Connie at all in the last few months, despite how much he really wanted to it was clear she didn't. Cal on the other hand had never tried harder to impress the clinical lead.

Connie lent against the nurses' station giving a small talk for the start of the day before everyone began to disappear. "So then..." Cal approached the desk and rested beside her. Connie smiled slightly looking up at him with a hand resting on her hip. "What are you doing tonight?"

She pushed her tongue into her cheek as she scooped up her folders and began walking away with Cal keeping pace. "Are you trying to ask me out Dr Knight?" They continued walking through the department until they rounded a corner where nobody else was walking.

As soon as they were there Cal pushed Connie to the side and lent a hand against the wall beside her head as he smiled down at her. Connie reciprocated the smile as Cal moved closer to her pushing his lips against hers as she rested her hands against his chest still holding the folders.

Cal let a hand fall to her waist pulling her closer before they parted. "Can I take that a yes Mrs Beauchamp-" Connie lent forward past his ear as she spoke. "You can take that as a maybe Dr Knight." Connie moved away from him and turned to notice him watch her walk away with a small smile playing at his lips.

The rest of the morning passed pretty uneventfully, that was until a particular patient was bought in. Connie stood outside with Rita as Iain climbed out of the ambulance. "Right this is Mr Hope, 60 years old, found at home by his daughter. Suspected heart attack but lost consciousness en-route..."

Stats were continuously reeled off but once the trolley hit the ground none of it mattered to Connie. She was suddenly overcome with both fear and worry, two things she didn't do. "Mrs Beauchamp?" Her eyes rested on the trolley as it rolled inside with Rita while Dixie stopped beside the clinical lead.

Rather than answering she ran to catch up with the trolley. "Elliot!? Elliot, can you hear me?" Connie was walking along side the bed as they got into resus. People had looked up from what they were doing to see what the commotion was about.

"Elliot, if you can hear me please answer me-" "Gina?" He sounded confused as Connie started messing about with things, but couldn't do anything properly. Jacob came closer to her recognising the man from photos around Connie's house. "Come on, you shouldn't be treating him-" "GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME STAFF NURSE MASTERS!"

Charlie stepped in beside Jacob and moved Connie away from the bed. "Please Charlie, just let me treat him, let me make him better I can't lose him too." She felt her breathing quicken but Charlie continued to walk out of resus with her.

Cal noticed what was going on and dropped his folder to the desk to see what was happening. "Hey, Charlie what's going on?" Connie felt her legs begin to feel shaky beneath her as Cal reached them and let his arms fall to her waist as she lost her footing. Tears soon streamed down Connie's face as everything hit her.

"Hey Connie, what's going on-" "I can't lose him Cal, I can't... Just let me treat him, he could need surgery. He's had a heart attack before, please-" "Hey, shh..." Cal moved a strand of hair behind her ear and wiped the tears from her face. "Go to your office, I'll make sure he's okay... Connie I promise I'll look after him."

She gave in nodding and moved to her office shutting the door firmly behind her. Cal took her place in resus alongside a jealous Jacob. "Right Mr Hope, Elliot isn't it? You seem to have had quite the impact on our clinical lead today." He smiled down at Elliot before the machine's started beeping. "He's in VF."

Several hours later Connie found herself standing at a pane of glass looking through at the man lying comfortably in the bed before her. She'd nearly lost him, and it scared her to death. Connie wiped at her eyes before folding her arms across her chest once again.

Cal watched from further down the corridor as Connie stayed standing outside the room. She must have been there for about an hour when he finally decided to talk to her. He carefully walked up behind her and rested a hand on her shoulder.

Connie looked at it resting there before moving her hand up to hold onto it. She turned her face slightly to rest her chin on it as he stepped closer and moved his other arm to hold onto her waist. She lent into his chest feeling the tears she'd been holding in begin to surface. Right now she didn't care who saw them like this.

Cal could sense she was on the verge of a breakdown when he pulled his hand away and turned her around pulling him into his chest. "What if I had lost him earlier Cal?" He moved his hand to her back trying to soothe her as she cried into his chest. "You don't need to think about that, he's still here and I'm sure he will be for a long time yet."

"Is there something else bothering you?" Connie turned back to face Elliot as Cal remained behind her. "When he came in, I kept saying his name over and over. When he answered me he was disoriented but he was clear in speaking, he called me Gina." It clearly meant something to her but Cal didn't understand.

"Connie, I'm sure he knows it was you... I mean you said yourself he was confused-" "Gina was his wife who I took to Switzerland to die Cal. He knew what he was saying." Cal found himself lost for words, whatever it could have been he'd have never suspected that.

Connie moved to sit beside the window and Cal copied her. They spoke for a while with her explaining everything. "She had motor-neuron disease, she didn't want a painful death and she didn't want Elliot to see her so hurt... She asked me for help but I couldn't go through with it. I called him and he flew straight out. I stood by and watched her die Cal, that's why I couldn't do the same today."

Cal pulled her into his chest again and pressed his lips to the top of her head. Moments later Connie looked up realising there was movement from within the room. She jumped up and ran into the room to be beside Elliot.

"Connie-" "Elliot." The words came out quiet as she was so breathless but soon enough tears rolled down her cheeks again as she fell into his embrace. Cal decided to give them sometime together and walked away promising to come back and get her later.