GREEN (RL Harry Styles fanfic)

80. Nightmares

**Harry's POV**

I stood staring at the front door for a while hoping that she'd come back in, but I knew better. I knew she had made up her mind and that she was teaching me a lesson. That's why I didn't fight her or try to explain. It would have been pointless, and it would've only made her more cross with me. Even though I knew all of this, it still felt like I'd been kicked in the chest.

Once I convinced my feet that she wasn't coming back, I began pacing the house. I didn't know what to do with myself without Liv here. I don't know what I'd do without her in my life. The thought of it made my stomach twist, but I couldn't think of anything else but her. In an attempt to end the torture my own thoughts were putting me through, I pulled out my phone to call Louis back.

"What did you do now Hazza?," Louis said snarky as ever after only two rings.

"Why do you assume I've done something?," I said offended at his accusation.

"If it had gone well you wouldn't be on the phone with me you'd be in bed with–"

"That's enough Lou!," I cut him off knowing he'd only rile me up. I was not in the mood for that. Louis chuckled at me, but I put an end to that as soon as I spoke again. "She left."

"Oh shit! She went to a hotel?"

"No," I sulked, "she's going home. I think I really–"

"Really fucked up," Louis said for me.

"Yeah. She said I need to get my priorities straight and that I wasn't acting like myself. But she's the one who's hormonal and overreacting about everything," I explained to Louis. I heard him let out a sigh on the other line.

"Harry, I mean this as one of your dear friends, but you're acting like a complete twat mate," Louis said and I could picture the sour expression on his face. "Like I tried to tell you earlier, right now nothing is about you. Actually in your relationship from this point on, very little will probably be about you. It's about that fucking baby." I couldn't help but chuckle. Only Louis could use the phrase "fucking baby" and mean it as a term of endearment. "I know you wanted this, but are you feeling a little scared about having a kid Haz?"

"I'm terrified. I'm worried about Liv and the baby's health and I'm going to be responsible for a little person. I've got to keep him or her safe. It's all I've been thinking about since we found out," and it really was.

I'd had nightmares about it actually. Dreams where I'd wake up to check on the baby and she'd be gone from the bassinet. Or in the delivery room and the doctors would be muttering that something had gone wrong and he wasn't well. Then when Liv passed out the other day my anxiety about it all only skyrocketed. It felt like I had absolutely no control  in the biggest thing to happen in my life.

"So," Louis said inhaling a breath. I knew that meant he had a lot to say, "think of all those things you're feeling and then multiply them by the thousands. She's actually pregnant and carrying this child. And she's the one who's going to get all the backlash. Trust me. Briana is getting absolutely torn apart, and you know it'll be worse because it's you Harry. Like it or not, that's just the truth. You just always get more attention."

I selfishly hadn't really thought of it like that. Sure I had thought about what Liv was going through, but it didn't register that she might be dealing with the same feelings I was and more. And here I was giving her things like the stability of our relationship to worry about. I instantly felt the need to go after her and tell her I understood. I wanted to hold her and tell her I was sorry and beg her not to go.

"Louis, I have to go," I said panicked that she may already be on a plane.

"What? You're hanging up on me again? At some point I'm going to stop answering your calls for advice if you always hang up on me because you don't like what I have to say," Louis said snippy and annoyed.