Author: nerdvamp
Genre: Teen Fiction
No. of chapter read: 1.2
First Impression: Yet another story about a gay guy in high school. Hope he's not emo, too.
Cover: Okay, first of all... help! Help me! Someone throw a life raft! I'm drowning in stickers! Honestly, I know you're part of campaigns. We all are, me included, and I love placing stickers on my covers... unless there are like a gazillion stickers. You had to make them so small, you can't even read them all.
Then, the actual cover. It's a chocolate, which, given the title, is very oredictible. But wait, it gets better. Then we're treated to some cross between Salvador Dali's work and Willy Wonka's factory. What's that supposed to be in the background? Lolly pop cranes? Christmas baubles?
Cover rating: Crazy as fuck
Blurb: The blurb starts well enough, even if the first two sentences practically say the same thing and the third sentence is just confusing. But then, we have MC no. two wanting to be the best chocolatier after a fictional character. That's slightly problematic.
And the guy bathes in chocolates and apparently sleeps (with?) chocolates. I'm already freaked out by his weird chocolate fetish. But I'm still, yeah, okay.
And then... the blurb goes to hell. Why? Because these two wonderful gay guys apparently meet in... you'll never guess - high school! And all hell breaks lose.
Listen to me and listen well. Unless a portal to hell literally opens in the high school floor, that is a CRASS exaggeration. All hell doesn't break lose in high school unless there's a mass murderer on the loose. Sentimental trouble does not equal all hell breaking lose. Maybe some personal hell. So, unless this is in some way paranormal and Tuhin starts zapping everyone to death, please, please, please don't over-exaggerate.
Blurb rating: It went to all hell really fast
Let's get it on!
Second impression: Yet another teenager story starting with the MC waking up to go to school. Fascinating!
Actual review (drum roll please):
Language: I'm going to assume English is not your first language. If it is, I'm sorry, it sounds like it's not. You do a pretty good job, but prepositions and weird word choices give you away. Practice. I guess writing is practice, but get an editor to fix this stuff. I'm your reader and I demand impeccable language.
Yes, yes, I know, this is Wattpad, not a book store. I still want impeccable language! *puts on Nazi hat*
Language rating: Ak-ward
Plot:
This is where you lost me because... *viciously rings cliche bell*
Let's count:
- book starts with MC waking up. People, people, people... try finding a more original way to start your story. Since Tuhin has nightmares, why not start it with a nightmare if you don't want to start with him already fucking awake?
- We spent half a chapter on his morning routine. I was quite interested in his brand of toothpaste, but it was sadly left out. No, really, I don't give a rat's ass. Unless his morning routine includes sacrificing a small goat to Cthulhu, I don't give a fuck.
- MC goes to a new school - and interesting new school with 11th and 12th grader. Oh, how interesting. Why? Why is he starting a new school so late into high school? And why is it always a new school?
- He goes to his first class and ends up sitting next to mysterious cool, handsome guy. How exciting! I can't wait to... Zzzzzz
- Mysterious handsome guy is a bit of a jerk/ MC is a jerk back - Wow, their conversation is so not awkward. That's totally how people talk.
Don't dare tell me the story gets better later on. It could get infinitely better. Cthulhu himself could come raging out of the hole to hell hidden in the high school basement. You have one chapter, maybe two, to convince me to read. Make them good!
Plot rating: How interesting and never-before seen!
Characters:
Tuhin: You know what? I didn't like him. Not much. Not enough to read on. Apparently he has some interesting issues, but he's a whiny little bitch, too. He's at a new school, yet refuses to be friendly. And maybe then he wonders why he doesn't have an friends. What really put me off is how mean he is to his sister.
Tuhina: Is Tuhin's twin sister. Notice the similar names? She seemed alright enough, though not interesting enough to make me want to know what her deal is. She doesn't seem to be a very important character.
Ishan Sen: Is that his first name or his first and last name? I think his first and last, but then, why address him by both names? It felt weird. Plus, he was weird. Why talk to someone if you're just going to be a dick about it? Though he's not much of a dick, he's overly inquisitive and a little rude. Plus, I don't get this teen fiction trend of people insisting to speak to people who brush them off. If I saw someone I was trying to talk to acting bored and uninterested, I'd tell them to fuck off and move on. Time is precious.
Character rating: Meh!
Why I stopped reading: *Viciously rings cliche bell* Too many cliches in one chapter and the writing and characters aren't intriguing enough for me to overlook them.
Grade: Fail! I'm sure you're a lot more creative than this. Show it!
Song: Replace Golden with Chocolate
YOU ARE READING
The Evil Rant And Review Book
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