The Evil Rant And Review Book

Toska

Author: _pathetique

Genre: General fiction (wow, that's overreaching)

No. chapters read: 4.5

First impression: Wow, people almost dying and not giving much of a crap about it.

Cover: I'm not sure if it's a good cover or a bad cover. It could be very deep or it could be very lazy. I think I'm going to go with lazy. You know why? Because of the freaking mountains and forest background. Hands towards the skies, I get, since Ty is all sorts of fucked up, but not digging the scenery.

Cover rating: Hands towards the skies!

Blurb: You know, if you don't read the story, the blurb is okay. If you read the story, you actually realize the blurb speaks of past events that are not presented in the book. Eeeh... yeah, that's not right. Don't give me your family history in the blurb, give me what you're story will be about. Not what it was about. Or something. I'm getting confused. Anyway, NO!

Blurb rating: family history!

Let's get it on!

Second impression: Holy hell, these people are fucked up.

Actual review *drum roll please*:

Language/Writing: Yes, the language use is good. There are hardly any grammar and punctuation mistakes and it sounds like two whiny little bitches... I mean angsty teenagers, are talking. The style fits the story and the story doesn't fit because they're all fucked up misfits to being with.

Nope, no criticism here. Let me try to be funny.

A man was driving his horse carrige, his dog in the carrige, using the crop on the horse from time to time. At some point, the horse turns around and says, 'If you hit me again, I'll knock your teeth out with my hoof.'

The man's eyes widen, his heart races and he sprints away from the carriage, followed by his dog, all cargo forgotten. After reaching a safe distance, the man and the dog both stop to pant.

'Holy shit,' says the dog. 'Didn't that talking horse freak you the fuck out?'

Ta da! *cricket noises*

Language rating: it's good. Better than the talking horse

Plot: This here story is a dark one with drug abuse, electric tooth brush abuse, and a lot of weird as sexual encounters.

Ty ODs on drugs and is dead for 10 minutes before he gets his ass up and goes home as if nothing happened. Really, he has like a few fleeting thoughts about it and knows that it should be a big deal, but it's not because House is right and almost dying doesn't change anything. So, yeah, Ty is a psychotic bastard.

Then we have Luka and her toothbrush and her abuse of booze and her making out with Ty's girlfriend because why the hell not? Did I mention that Ty and Luka are step sibling? Yeah, the story is this fucked up.

Then we find out Ty's dad died from an OD, and Ty hated his ass and now has mixed feelings about his own ODing and hates being at his funeral so he bangs his girlfriend there right before breaking up with her. Yeah... *pulls away slowly*

Plot rating: Everybody's fucked up

Characters:

Ty: is pretty much an asshole. I don't know where all is coming from, because, sure, his dad was probably an abusive druggy, but he has a new, apparently healthy family now. Still, he does drugs and his girlfriend in inappropriate places and walks in on his sister doing nasty stuff with a toothbrush.

Also, he doesn't give much of a shit about being dead for ten minutes because he didn't see Jesus or anything to impress him. He's brooding and angsty and I'm not sure how I feel about him except that maybe I kinda wish he didn't wake up after the OD.

Luka: From the blurb, she's supposed to be the good sibling. She's not. She abuses the poor toothbrush, gets drunk and makes out with her brother's girlfriend. Not her biggest fan. Do these people have no conscience?

Arleigh: Is just as fucked up as the brothers since she's the girlfriend. At least her reaction and getting screwed and dumped was pretty good.

Other characters: Excuse me, I'm still basking in these characters to care about others right now.

Character rating:  everybody's fucked up.

Why I stopped reading: I've had enough grittiness for one day. The screw and dump was a little too much for me. The story isn't really something I would read.

Grade: Pass. Yes, I recognize its potential. It's weirdly fascinating. Like roadkill. You know you should, but you can't look away.

Song: You know Blink 182? They have two songs with the f word in the title, one involving dogs and the other a senior citizen. I won't post them, but your story is THAT level of effed up.