Author: @claudia_witter
Genre: Paranormal (I think it's the first paranormal ever)
No. chapters read: 1 but it was enough
First impression: Why do I get the feeling you're going to go totally Lemony Snicket on me?
Cover: I know it's actually roses, but the colors scream to me that Christmas is coming. It's July! Plus, I am sorely disappointed at the lack of axes and blood on this cover. It looks like freaking Christmas romance.
Cover rating: pretty, but terrible for your story. So I guess pretty terrible.
Blurb: It's freaking huge! While I appreciate what you're trying to do, leave the world building for the actual book. You could easily delete the first two paragraphs and leave us with the other two huge chunks of text which are enough to stir our interest. I like the voice of it, but by god, woman, did I mention it's long? I think I fell asleep halfway through it.
Blurb rating: family history!
Let's get it on!
Second impression: WTF did I just read?
Actual review *drum roll please*:
Language/Writing: OMG, I adore your crazy narrator. I mean I'm not sure she's crazy, but holy hell is she entertaining. Hence the Lemony Snicket reference above. I felt like I was plunged into one of those old movies with a voice over except a lot of creepy shit is happening instead.
Not only will I not criticize your style, which tends to get telly at times (but it works), but I will also compliment you on your awesome use of grammar and punctuation. Don't you just love me?
Language rating: smashing
Plot: You get it from the blurb. We get crazy paranormal detectives. What more could anyone want? Props for the action being set in Prague.
The introduction of the first season of this family-friendly sitcom leaves us with Victor, a darling, fascinating child who decides that a Wednesday is the perfect day to kill his abusive parents. Good on you, Victor!
Then we get served graphic violence and a weird ass, scary child which reminds me why I can no longer watch horror movies (Fuck you, Anabelle!). Then, a grown up shows up, doesn't mind the murdered chunks of flesh at the table, and takes Victor to a special school where he will learn the ways of the rumor detectives or die trying. Or die not trying. He doesn't have much if a choice.
Jolly good fun.
Plot rating: Epic
Characters:
Victor: This kid is adorable in an I'll-murder-you sort of way. He's abused, so the parents kinda had it coming. He's also mad, as in crazy mad, not furious mad, so the parents sort of had it coming again for not realizing their child was a dangerous psychopath. I like Victor.
Victor's parents: are a bunch of abusive assholes. I'm not particularly happy they died a gory death, but you won't see me singing an requiem at their funeral either. Brain looks like cauliflower.
Mia: Is awesomely flippant about seeing dead people and their murderer. Liked her.
Character rating: everybody's awesomely fucked up.
Why I stopped reading: Because I didn't need more. I wanna read this thing. Bring on the nastiness.
Grade: Pass. This is one of the more original pieces I ever found here, and your grammar and punctuation are heaven.
Song: We're all mad here, but it's okay
YOU ARE READING
The Evil Rant And Review Book
Random[CLOSED] Formerly The Evil Reading Request List, this has turned into a showcase of nasty reviews, a place for me to rant. I surprisingly don't rant a lot. The book was discontinued because real life is kicking my butt and I don't have the tim...
