The Evil Rant And Review Book

The Four Steps of Creation

What is this? Another review in less than a month? What is wrong with this woman? Heh. You don't want to know.
Let's get it on!

⚠️Fair warning. I did not read through this once and wrote it on my phone with all foreseeable consequences.

Author:EsterTk

Genre: I have no fucking clue, but given the blurb, I guess it's dystopian

Number of chapters read: 1 and about 1/16. Yes, just the prologue and a bit of chapter one.

First impression: Wow. Apparently storms can be boring.

Cover: short and sweet. It sucks. Okay, I guess it wasn't sweet so I'll stick with short. Are those supposed to be mine crystals. Tube worms under a microscope? Have no idea. Only thing I'm sure of is that it makes me feel like I'm on LSD or something. Or your characters are maybe on LSD.

Anyway. Cheap looking and not visually pleasing. Did you make it? Aw, sorry to hurt your feelings (not really). Did someone else make it? I hope it was for free.

No, seriously now. It says nothing about your stroy. Scrape it.

Cover rating: Bleah (it's a word)

Blurb: Good thing about the blurb: it's short. And um... come on, there must be something else good about it.

Kidding. It's not that bad. Yes, it is. No, it's okay. The last sentence saves it from being just a blah blah of your story.

The premise is interesting, but the wording is a little awkward which makes me think I might not like what I find inside.

As I said, last sentence grabs my interest and I'm actually excited to open the book.

Just to make it clear. It's not a good blurb. Your content is interesting, but the wording is not. This is not a positive blurb review.

Bitching last sentence though.

Blurb rating: Bleah... oh, wait. Hmmm.

Let's get this show on the road!

Language/writing: oh, dear God, why? How could someone make a storm so boring? Guess it's not worse than making war boring but... You started off well. A little flowery for my taste, but well.

Then you fail to produce geography and we have a nondescript street corner in a book which is supposed to be about the apocalypse.

Then we have overdescription of thunder and lightning which makes them impressively less interesting than just having them told.

Then we get a braindead character who almost drowns himself in the rain by looking up. No, really. Unless you lean your head all the way back so that water runs up your nose or he had a very distinctive snout, rain is not going to drown you. The purpose of your nose is to prevent it from doing so.

Moving on from pigman Gerard (hope I got the name right), about halfway through the prologue, you decide a sudden tense switch is in order.

After that, you decide to fuck physics and have a giant flood water which can tear out lampposts be hindered by a corner.

Yeah... I'm getting iffy.

Is English not your first language? Mine either and I don't sound that awkward. So you get no brownie points.

You really need to learn how to dialogue tag. Doing this ?, is what make me go nope and toss the book at the wall. Yeah, no.

Learn to dialogue tag. Learn to not use fragments unless you're going for mood or effect. Learn the rules before you break them. And never in the history of US English are two punctuation signs side by side acceptable.

So no. Bad language *beats back with a stick

Also check your wording because a lot of times, it's just plain awkward. Don't repeat stuff too much because it loses emphasis. Don't try to mold your characters to your imagery, but your description to the way your character thinks and feels. Yes, heavy stuff, but you need it.

Language rating: Bad bad bad

Plot: the plot is lost on me since the language basically incapacitated me before I could get more than four paragraphs into your first chapter (just for the record, this is not unfair).

From the blurb and the prologue I gather that Gerard is Mcs father going out for a nurse the night she was born (assuming it's a she since neither the blurb nor chapter one confirm).

Just so you know, this happens in your prologue: Man almost drowns self in rain. Man looks around the corner. Man runs into the street.

Doesn't sound very exciting? That's because it isn't. You don't focus enough on his inner turmoil and his goals to make it exciting.

Then we have chapter one in which the MC probably dies by rickety staircase.

The plot itself could be really interesting if executed right. The way you have it, I don't trust your execution.

So yes, potential, but bleah execution. Work on your grammar.

Plot rating: has potential. Needs language support.

Characters:

Gerard:  is either a pigman or really really dumb. Other than that, all he did was walk around a corner. Yay, Gerard. Celebration is in order.

Alex : will probably get everyone killed for the shits and giggles.

Nicole: sounds annoying from that one line of dialogue I read, but she's probably right.

MC: Couldn't gather anything from the four paragraphs I've read, but the preliminary voice sounds okay.

Character rating: I have no idea.

Why I stopped reading: Dude, seriously, do something about that grammar. The tense changes and the crappy punctuation need to go ASAP. I wish I could give you more, but I can't soundly provide more detailed feedback until you fix the basic shit.

I would feel bad if I had a heart, but sometimes you need tough love. Well, not that this is love, so call it tough hate or whatever. As long as it gets shit fixed I'll be happy.

Grade: Fail. A big blessed fail of smoldering criticism meant to improve your work.

If I helped, I'm happy. If I did not, the crocodile pit is that way.