The Evil Rant And Review Book

Because I Love You

       

Author: @aaron_ledgers

Genre: Fantasy (again...)

No. chapters read: 2.1 but that's like 53 pages

First impression: This is beyond terrible.

Cover: I know I said I dislike anime covers with a passion, but I actually like this one because A. it's not Anime, B. I know for a fact that you drew it yourself (that's right, he didn't make it as in put it together, he drew the damn thing from scratch) and that's amazeballs and C. it actually fits the story

Cover rating: your drawings are amazing

Blurb: I'm going to be blunt. I like it. I was going to harp about you just stating that Ella dies, but I see no way around it. Because if you don't, the rest would be just awkward and it would scream cheap veil.

So, no, I'm not saying anything bad about it. It's got my attention. It works.

Blurb rating: looking forward to squirrel-riding women

Let's get it on!

Second impression: Okay, it was supposed to be absolutely terrible.

Actual review *drum roll please*:

Language/Writing:

I'm not going to lie. I almost stopped after the first three paragraphs. Fortunately, I noticed something I'd missed while poking my eyes out with a fork from the horrendous writing, and that's the italics. So I dove right in some more and realized that it was supposed to be terrible. So yeah, I agree with Xaphil's first review of that Wattpad story. And could totally relate to his frustration. My only question is, why the hell did he read it until the end?

Anway, Wattpad frustration aside, your writing is good. Your grammar and punctuation are sound, and the flow of your phrases are mostly fine. Nothing big to harp on here.

*takes off Nazi hat, puts on teacher spectacles*

BUT, and here come's your dose of criticism, you're doing close third wrong. Why? Oh, let me see... you call Xaphil the boy, the teenager, the whatever while we're in his POV. Do you ever think of yourself as anything else but you? I never think of myself as the heartless monster. Maybe I'm weird.

Sam goes for Ella. I don't think he'd ever think of her as the girl. Stop being so damn cryptic and be more specific.

I know this is all in the name of pronoun and name variation, but it's STUPID and it must stop for close third because it ruins everything.

Also, what the hell? I want to know my MC's name right away, not go through one million instances of the boy and the teenager and the horned demon or whatever. Yeah, I'm calling you out for it.

EVERY story in close third should reveal the MC's name IMMEDIATELY. A name is not a mystery you must keep from the reader because then, you should freaking find either a nickname or a whole different POV character.

Another small note. Your chapters are HUGE! I personally don't mind... scratch that, yes I do. When I saw the 25 page prologue, I wanted to kick myself in the balls. Fortunately, I remembered I don't have any.

Language rating: good

Plot: It's pretty much explained in the blurb. I only got a glimpse of how Xaphil and Ella got together and how she got killed. It was a random shooting and it was horrible, because Ella was the only person Xaphil showed any actual interest in. Which kinda fits his highly anti-social status.

I liked their mundane life shown before all hell breaks loose. Strangely, I didn't find mall shopping boring. Probably because I knew Ella would die soon and I kinda wanted to get to know her. I also kinda like that we're going from that to some twisted fantasy. What kinda bothered me was all the description of gestures and body movements. It was distracting, and after a while I couldn't even follow it. Keep it simple, less is more.

I also kinda used kinda like a million times in the last paragraph.

What jarred me a little: Ella has been calling Xaphil Xaphy all her life. When she gets shot, she suddenly calls him Phil and I'm like WTF?

Plot rating: kinda interesting

Characters:

Xaphil: is an antisocial giant with daddy issues. Honestly, his POV is kinda depressing (he he, kinda again), but I think that's the whole point. This is where he's coming from and he's going to go... somewhere, I guess. It's bearable, so I don't feel like tossing him out the window. He'll probably do that himself anyway.

Ella: was childish and funny and bubbly. I liked her and I'm reasonably distressed that she's dead. So good job building her up.

Ella's mom: I think she's a nice woman, but you didn't handle her too well during the shooting. Maybe consider leaving her home? Her reactions felt cardboard. A mother losing a child is even more dramatic than a boyfriend losing a girlfriend.

Xaphil's dad: Is apparently Russian. Huh, who would've thought? Anyway, he's an abusive asshole.

Character rating:  interesting.

Why I stopped reading: Made up my mind. Reading this for fun.

Grade: Pass. You have something good going here.

Song: I just felt it fits.