The Evil Rant And Review Book

Nightmare

Author: Cross-Warrior

Genre: Fantasy

No. chapters read: 3

First impression: This seems awfully telly. Let's hope the entire book is not awfully telly.

Cover: It's a nice cove, suitable for fantasy, but you know what? Where do you keep finding your cover artists? Because I cam barely read the freaking title. I guess it's better then with Fallen where your name was practically invisible, but this bugs me because Nightmare is not this long word that has to be split in two lines. And It's hard to read! Did I mention it's hard to read? No? Well, it's hard to read to read!

Also, what the hell is that smiling moon thing in the corner? Let me try to read it. Child En of the Tar. Really. I think you're going for Children of the stars, but WHAT THE HELL?

Cover rating: That smiling moon is freaking me out.

Blurb: Those first three lines... why? We all know fae aren't real and stories aren't real. You're not telling me anything new. Talia obviously thinks the same. Why not start there? Talia loved stories, but they were just that. Stories. Then shit hits the fan and boom! she's in fairy la la land! (I should start writing evil blurbs for people, really. I'm talented as fuck). 

Blurb rating: Wordy (do you see a pattern here?)

Let's get it on!

Second impression: It's not as wordy as it first seemed. Yay!

Actual review (drum roll please):

Language/Writing: You are a wordy person , my friend. That prologue! Oh, that telly prologue! And then, all of a sudden, characters and action! And then, all of a sudden, RANDOM POV SWITCH because why the hell not? Yeah, the prologue is all over the place.

Once the story gets started, it's pretty cute. Still wordy, but cute. Much better. I could get behind it.

Your grammar and punctuation were pretty good, so I won't slap you with my ring hand, so help me. Right, moving on!

Language rating: Good enough!

Plot:  Ah, you see, there's apparently this sleeping beauty type shit going on here with curses put on a baby to die at 16 only that there's a twist. A hidden fairy and some sin that made the child despicable enough to be sentenced to an early death and also some fairy politics about a council and what not.

Right, moving on to the actual story and Talia cu has a Grandma who believes in magic and tells fairy-tales. Then, after listening to some weirdass story her Grandma made up, Talia finds herself kidnapped in the middle of the night by some guy who spews violet fire out of his ass. Hands, I meant to say hands.

She tried to escape and meets a guy who shoots golden fire out of his .... hands. I never meant to say anything else.

Who's the good guy and who's the bad guy? Apparently, the good guy is Seth (or so he claims) and the bad guy is Elliot. Considering Seth is usually a bad guy name, and Elliot the name of a dork, I think it might be the other way around. Though gold trumps violet on the goodness scale, so nothing is for sure.

Then... I have no idea what happens because there's no more story.

Plot rating: Promising

Characters:

Talia: loves stories and seems realistic enough. I didn't get much of a feel for her from just two chapters, but she did try to save herself, so I give her props for that. She also punched a guy in the face and had some funny inner arguments to see if she was dreaming or not.

Grandma: Is freaky dicky strange, but in an endearing way.

Talia's brother: has name hard to spell (Keaton? Keanan? I'm too lazy to look), but seems your average, adorable probably under ten year-old.

Talia's parents: Oh, I'm not going in this much detail. There wasn't anything remarkable about them.

Elliot: Gets punched in the face. Also spews purple flames out of his... hands! What did you think?

Seth: Is a cocky bastard who claims he's the knight in shining armor. Talia should punch him in the face too, just to prove a point. She's her own woman and can handle herself without a knight. Also, shoots golden flames out of his... hands. 

Character rating: promising

Why I stopped reading: Because I ran out of published parts. I would've probably gone one more chapter to see what happens before writing the review. You sneaky people, signing up short stuff so i read it all and it makes you look good *wags finger like a grandma*

Grade: Pass. This has potential to turn into something really fun. I enjoy the two boys and how Talia is all confused. That prologue though... cut back on the telling and the wordiness.

Song: it has nothing to do with the story, I know, but it just popped into my head while I was thinking about it. I thought it would be something playing inside Talia's head while she was getting kidnapped (especially that beginning part).

So yeah, hey, whatever!