The Evil Rant And Review Book

Important notice!

Read this and read it carefully, because I'm only going to say this once!

First off, to the people who stomached their reviews and took it like men, I applaud you. You were wise enough to see the humor and the constructive purpose of my review. You guys are awesome!

That being said, before you sign up for this... READ THE FUCKING RULES!

I can't stress that enough. Notice how it's all bold and underlined. And you know why? BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT.

I told everyone I won't go easy, I told you I will be rude in the quest for humor, and I also told you I don't give a rat's ass about any justification you might have regarding my points. If I got it wrong it's because you left room for doubt and I chose the wrong interpretation. Big deal. So will others.

I'm a grammar Nazi, so if your language isn't impeccable, I will certainly get a stab at you, and unless your plot is stellar, I will most likely fail you. I do not tolerate laziness in editing and the excuse of "the first chapters are crap, but it gets better, I promise" makes me want to sick my badgers on you. (My badgers have rabies)

If you think I'm being rude, read the rules AGAIN, as well as all the other reviews. By this stage in the process, nothing I say should be a surprise. So don't blame me you're too lazy to read.

So, that being said, if you signed up in hope of receiving praise and will get butthurt by a negative review... PULL OUT NOW because I'm not going to tend to your sensitive soul or justify myself to you or the people who like you.

This is a free service, but I do ask in return for basic common courtesy and respect for the time I dedicated to your story and the review, because that's time I could've spent eating pizza or bungee jumping or feeding my badgers or doing anything else.

Bottom line: if you don't understand sarcasm as humor or the basic principles of spoof, the door's that way. *points down crocodile pit*