The Evil Rant And Review Book

Bereft

Warning! This review is written without spellcheker. Proceed at your own risk.

Author: rentachi

Genre: Fantasy

No. chapters read: 5

First impression: Holy hell, huge ass paragraphs!

Cover: Wow. Just... wow. I'm a little blown away because: deadly looking city, deadly looking chick, blood on the freaking title. Smoke and danger and shit. Yeah, this cover promises darkness and mystery and kick ass all in one go.

Cover rating: Wow

Blurb: The blurb is hella interesting. Cults, sacrifice, goats and Cthulhu. Okay, I may have made up those last two ones, but who can resist a story of revenge on an occult cult for sacrificing your ass in a dangerous, crazy ritual? And a specter is involved. The Sin of Pride. You already have my attention.

A big plus: No grammatical errors in the blurb. You get a thumbs up.

Blurb rating: Severely interesting

Let's get it on!

Second impression: Um, what the hell is going on?

Actual review *drum roll please*:

Language/Writing: I'm going to be honest with you. No, I'm going to be BRUTALLY honest with you (he he). Your writing is wordy as fuck. Really, I don't know why and how you can use so many words to describe simple actions, but holy hell it feels like a shitton of words.

Another thing... what's with those hugeass paragraphs?? You're lucky I'm reading on a bigass iPad or I would've probably thrown the much smaller phone at the wall. Huge paragraphs are a huge turnoff for readers (he he again). So chop 'em up a notch.

How about I say something nice now? Your grammar is VERY good. So are your descriptive skills. You use all those too-many words well. There, I said something nice.

Language rating: *takes out katana and slashes paragraphs* *pats head for grammar*

Plot: Ah, that prologue is amazing. We see the specter making a deal with the dying woman and we're sure shenanigans will ensue.

Chapter 1. We're some days earlier and we're treated to Sara's exaggeratedly boring life as a mediocre secretary. With a lot of words. And Sara has a twin sister named Tara. I would laugh at you, but I'm no better with the whole Sam/Tom, Jerry/Jimmy thing, so yeah, I'm shutting up about it.

Right, things get interesting when creepy woman enters the building and we're treated to one of the most subtle character descriptions ever which involves a mirror. Then, the story kinda gets from interesting (what's with the creepy, mind controlling woman?) to plain wtf, why did it turn so boring so quickly. Yes, maybe there's need for more build up before Sara is sacrificed to Cthulhu, but damn, I wanna see her get stabbed with the ceremonial knife.

Let's just say that after the awesome blurb and the intense second chapter, I felt the story slumped a little.

Plot rating: Promises awesomeness, but I didn't get to it

Characters:

Sara: Except for being mediocre at her job which is a big no-no in my book, I kinda liked her. I can totally relate to her disappointment in the work force and hating on sitting there at a desk all day and having to do boring filing. I can also understand her jealousy at her twin and her reluctance to go out on a double date with her. So, yes, Sara is totally relatable.

She also has a dose of snark that makes her endearing.

Tara: Seems to be a nice girl and clearly loves her sister.

Grace: aka Creepy as fuck woman is creepy as fuck. Great job describing how creepy she is. Did I mention she was creepy?

Mr. Eoul: or however the hell it's spelled, is an interesting balding fat man. He probably won't appear any time soon.

Creepy bodygurads: Are creepy and bodyguards.

Character rating: the majority of them are creepy.

Why I stopped reading: Cuz I got really, really bored. Just kidding. Ha, I bet you had a small heart attack right there. No, I made up my mind, and I want to read this, actually.

Grade: Pass. This promises to be gory and interesting. I'm into gory and interesting.

Song: Dedicated to the Sin of Pride