The Evil Rant And Review Book

Rider Academy

Firs off! Woo hoo for the Evil book of Evil reviews reaching 10 k reads! I wish my other work would sky-rocket like that. Thanks everyone and I hope you keep enjoying my silliness.

Author: emilyxia0906

Genre: Adventure

No. of chapter read: 4

First Impression: Ah, 'tis dragons and a damsel... why is this not in Fantasy? Adventures in fantastic realms are still fantasy. That's kinda what fantasy is.

Cover: Is awesome. I don't know if you did it or someone did it for you, but it looks very well. BUT (ah, you knew this was coming), why the bloody HELL is the title of the story not the same as the title on the cover??? Is is Rider Academy or Riders Academy? Or maybe Rider's academy? MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

Cover rating: Match the writing with the title pls

Blurb: The first sentence is gold. And then we slip into explanation. And, apparently, I will be going to the academy. I'm so excited I'm going to learn all that stuff. Except I'm out here, sitting on this chair, unfortunately not summoning or taming my familiar. You know why? Because I'm not a character in your book! You know who is? Artemis. You know who's not in the blurb? Artemis.

Also, why the fridge are you explaining what elements are in your blurb? I don't care right now! Explain in the book!

And then.. we have a closing as good as the opening: What if a Rider's element is darkness? Good question and I want to know.

Blurb rating: I will never learn how to tame my familiar!

Let's get it on!

Second impression: Why is there a blurb after the prologue?

Actual review (drum roll please):

Language/Writing: Yeah, I'm adding the slash because language doesn't cut it. I need to discuss the writing, because the language is fairly good. The writing is not. Here's why:

- telling galore

- tense changes galore

- POV changes galore, but not in that obvious way that lets you know its omniscient *shudders*

- dialogue punctuation gone rogue

- All caps writing. You know how you show that people are yelling without shouty capitals? Using this little symbol: ! Unless you're British, because apparently, then it's okay to use all caps (not cool, JK Rowling, not cool)

- multiple punctuation. I shit you not, I found !!!! (yes, four)

- Passive voice galore

So, yeah. This needs serious improvement. Read and learn. Write and learn. LEARN! (shouty capitals, I'm such a hypocrite)

Language/Writing rating: AAaaaahhh!! And then I switched the tense, just for the hell of it.

Plot: You know when someone sits down and says: 'Let me tell you an awesome story.' And you're like: 'Sure, okay, let's hear it.' And you sit your ass down and listen. This is this story. It's like there's this someone telling you a story. Telling, not showing. TELLING!

Right, let's move along. The plot seems pretty interesting from what I managed to gather. The prologue is awesome with the bloody messages and then Artemis' parents are killed by demons - Woo hoo! Murder always makes everything much more interesting.

Then Artemis grows up poor and hungry and apparently knows people even if she lives in a tree and I'm pretty confused why she knows those people and what she does all day long for a living.

Then we have an entire chapter on Artemis building a bow sometime in the past.

And then we have an entire chapter on how Artemis and her thief friend play a prank on a bunch of twins that are a fantastic version of Dumb and Dumber, which, while fun, is a little irrelevant. Not exactly seeing the point. Not exactly seeing if the kids had any powers before their Choosing.

Not seeing much of anything.

Plot rating: Where are you going?

Characters:

Artemis: She's a little orphaned girl who makes a bow and then doesn't exactly show off any powers. She's probably the rider with the Darkness element like her mom and will be a Hunter - the most elite. Her familiar will probably be a dragon, because she's a special snowflake. She's twelve, so I can't exactly relate to her. I'm not sure what her advantage is.

Evelyn: Artemis' friend who is apparently a star thief and helps Artemis pull a prank. I know nothing else about her, but she seems okay.

Jasper and James: The fantastic dumb and dumber twins who are mean and stupid, but are a shoo in for the Academy. I hope they die there, or it just would really lower the Academy's level.

There are no other characters yet.

Character rating: They're all twelve

Why I stopped reading: I was done with all published chapters, but I doubt I would've read further. Maybe one more chapter if it was the Choosing. If not, that was it. Because the writing is too boggled up and the plot seems to be chasing its own tail.

Grade: Fail. Keep practicing your writing and outline your story and you'll go places.

Song: They're twelve, so unless you want a nursery rhyme, I've got nothing.