The Evil Rant And Review Book

Q&A with the devil

As promise, here are the answers to your questions:

1. How did you discover you wanted to be a writer/when did you start writing?

At ten. I started writing at ten. No, scratch that, nine, but my first story died in a terrible house fire because one of my characters got bitten by a werewolf and there was actually a cure for that. I think his name was Tim. RIP, Tim. He's probably making some Luna miserable because all werewolves tend to be huge dicks. Be, not have.

Right. I didn't discover anything. I pretty much just started doing it because I thought it was fun. We did it as a group: me , my bros, my best friend and her bro. It's just me now. Oh, lord, the others are alive, they just don't write anymore. What were you thinking?

So yes, I started it as a game and liked it enough to keep going, and going, and going...

2. What was your first book? Was it really cringy?

Ahem. Ten. Not native English. Werewolf biting poor Tim. You bet your ass it was totally and completely cringe worthy. I don't even remember the title of that poor unfortunate book, but I wrote a replacement.

It was called An Adventure in the Jungle, it was oh so cringe worthy and it's currently entitled Too Young. Still cringe worthy as fuck, but at least it has semi-proper grammar. Fortunately, there are no more werewolves involved. And Tim didn't make the cut. Sorry, Tim.

3. What influenced your decision to write?

I have a hyper-active imagination. If I don't write inside my head, I get zombie-bored. Seriously. And can't fall asleep. It's also a very good outlet for sadness and frustration and I have a lot of that. Plus, it's so much fun! OMFG!

4. Have you written any works that are backed entirely by sarcasm?

No. Never tried. I need material to spoof off, even if it's my own. I did write some hilarious alternative versions of my own story, but that was a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. Reviews are easy because I get to be sarcastic without a plot.

5. How did you become so #evil?

I'm old and grumpy and have seen a lot of books/stories and bad movies, so I'm fed up with useless drama and completely undeserved praise. Plus, I'm an oh-so-righteous judgmental asshole in real life. You wouldn't like me.

6. What's the first thing that makes you say 'meh, I can't finish this book' or cringe?

I'm not including bad grammar here, because that usually makes me go meh, I can't start this book. TSTL characters are a deal breaker for me. What is TSTL you ask? Too Stupid To Live. If your character is weak, overly dramatic and pathetic, I'm giving them the middle finger and burning the book to the ground. Hell no am I gonna waste my time with that.

Cringe? I cringe a lot, even when I actually don't throw the book at the wall. But yeah, weak and stupid makes me cringe. Plot devices make me cringe. Purple prose makes me cringe. Honestly, I don't give a shit that you swallowed a dictionary.

7. How old are you?

Screw you, Bre. I'm 28. There, I said it. And yes, I have a job and a family and everything. Now get off my lawn! *waves walking stick*

8. What flavor ice cream is that?

Can't remember for sure, but knowing me, it was probably melon. I love melon ice cream.

9. Do you eat Doritos in order to write your stories?

Unfortunately and tragically, I've never eaten Doritos in my life.

Thank you to all who participated. It's funny that no one actually wanted to know my name. *cries in corner*. If you had fun, we could continue playing this for a while.

Right, prizes. @ThatonesunflowerGirl and @leelimelem0n get reviews. Because they asked. Those who asked for money don't get anything.

@Gulthedreamer - you get your update. What would you like me to update?

I had fun :D

#evil