Let's Pretend We Never Happened

Chapter38/Letting you go

*Ashton's POV*

The room looms in darkness as I walk inside. Tears well up in my eyes as soon as I see her tiny figure resting ever so calmly against the bed. As I stare at her realisation dawns upon me making me believe that leaving Brown, actually meant leaving her forever. No longer having to wake up in the same room as hers or hear her snores. No longer living the day with a little ray of hope that maybe someday, just someday she would come back to me, and I could make her forget about all the sorrows of the past and tell her how much I love her.

Love.

Such a simple four letter word yet holds such a big meaning and so complicated. I know Disney taught us love is supposed to be magical, but it's none like that in real life. It breaks you, makes you feel guilty, makes you regret stuff. It makes you go all weak in the knees as you see the person you love standing in front of you knowing they're feeling the same way.

"You're talking like a girl" my subconscious reminds me. Crap. Hell yeah I'm talking like one.

I mentally abuse myself as I walk over and dump my stuff into the suitcase. I check my drawers incase I don't leave anything behind and as I open and close them quickly a silver coated frame comes into view.

I pick it up from the drawer and my lips draw themselves into a smile. It's a picture of me and Tess. It was taken on our first date although I had to beg her and convince her she was looking amazing and the picture would be perfect just like she wants everything to be. Perfect.

In the picture she's wearing a pink top with neon green jeans. I always thought the colors green and pink would look good on a girl. My hands are tied around her waist and her hands wrap around my neck.

She's wearing the necklace I gave her with a letter 'A' on it. Her puffy lips are drawn into a 'I hate you for forcing me to take a pic even when you know I'm not in the mood yet sweet smile' as she looks at me and I look at her. Our gazes locked with one another.

I really need a time machine. I need to go travel in time because I need to relive the moments.

Before I can even comprehend what I'm doing I walk over to her. I sit on my knees as I come face to face with her sleeping calmly.

I take her soft hand gently into mine, making sure she doesn't wake up.

"Tess" I spoke, my voice cracked when I said her name showing how much it meant to me. Her lips slightly parted at this but she is asleep I know because I remember when we used to have late night hangouts she always slept early and moved a lot in her sleep.

"You know I used to think I couldn't go a day without you. Without your smile, without your voice, without you barging in my bakery and always stealing a donut or cupcake but then I did something stupid. And I didn't realise the consequences of it. I didn't realise what would happen to you, to us. So, the day arrived and I could barely breath but the next day was harder. And with each passing day I knew it would get even more harder as I knew I had lost you. Loosing someone is the worst feeling ever and I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I have. I lost you in a blink of an eye. One day we were talking on the phone till three am and the next day as I tried to ring you, for apologising even though I knew I wasn't worth it you never answered. I lost you every time I thought about kissing you, I lost you when every time I saw your necklace I gave you which you left behind, I lost you when every time I waited and waited for a girl wearing an oversized hoodie to walk in, with proud grin on her face, telling the whole world she's dating the hot guy working here who lets her steal a cupcake." Tears are mixed with chuckles as the last sentence leaves my mouth. "But she never came. You never came Tess" I state as I feel tears clouding my vision and start streaming.