Let's Pretend We Never Happened

Chapter40/Forgetting him

*Tess' POV*

"It hurts, it still does, I miss him" I say sitting next to Logan. My voice sounds so cracking and it's filled with void.

It's been only one week but the pain hasn't gone yet and I don't know when will it.

"Hey you need to take care of yourself, when was the last time you ate?" He questions rubbing his hands up and down against my back, caressing me.

"I don't know, I don't feel like" I answer him, looking down at the white marble floor whilst I pressed my arm on the stomach as it grumbled and gnawed due to the agonising pain. I know I've been skipping my dinner everyday and I hardly eat anything during the day, although I remember whenever I was sad the only thing I did was stuff my mouth with Nutella and chocolate but I don't know why I just don't feel like eating at all.

"Tess why are you doing this?" He asks in a dissapointed manner.

"Atleast I'm getting better" I say even when I knew I wasn't. All I felt was desolated and bereft; as if someone had taken away a piece of me, a very important one and as much as I hate to admit it, I know it will never return to me.

A long silence descended over before he finally spoke "You know we fall in love with people we can't have" he says in a melancholy tone. His words seem so true and the way he said it made me believe he's talking from experience but I don't ask him since I was shrewd enough to understand that he didn't want to talk about it.

***

I look at my mom's photo frame resting on the bed side table and quickly grab it. In the photo I'm only two or three years old and she's holding me in her arms. 

"Sorry mom I really thought I was attracted to Dylan, that I had real feelings for him but turns out I was only telling myself a lie because I wasn't okay with the concept of unrequited love and partially because I wasn't strong enough to accept the truth that I still loved someone who cheated on me. I know I was supposed to be your brave girl but I broke" I start speaking, looking at mom's chocolate brown eyes in the photo.

"And it turns out he really did like me and I liked him too but only if both of us knew what the other one felt..." I wiped a tear as I continued to speak "It's been almost three weeks since he left, yes the video didn't leak and Dylan apologised profusely to me telling me he would never hurt anyone like this and the only reason he did this was because he wanted Ashton to feel the way he did, year ago. But the weird part is I'm not sad about that mom and I never cared about the video I don't know why but I just didn't. The real reason why my heart aches Is that every time I enter my empty room, knowing it would rather be like this or some other person would come but never him. Sometimes I sleep on his bed, the sheets still have his smell on them" I say. For mere seconds I glance at the empty bed in front of me.

"I know I've read books of authors telling us change is for the good, that it takes you to better places but the actual meaning of change is that something happens which you never wished would happen or you're in a place worse than hell"

"I know you and dad met in high school and had such a strong bond so why do I out of all the billions of people get this? Why do I get only a goodbye? His goodbye was the the most tortuous goodbye that was ever said to me, from breaking my bones to bending my muscles" I tell her weeping.

Jason Walker is correct, there shouldn't be a 'good' in goodbye..

"I remember dad telling me that I shouldn't waste my tears since I would need them one day and now I finally understand each and every word he said" I pull the sleeve of my sweater wiping my never ending trail of tears.