Let's Pretend We Never Happened

Chapter39/Don't make me stay

*Tess' POV*

Tears stream down my face after hearing his words. But I don't understand, its too much. How could Dylan do this to me? and more importantly why would he? I need answers, not this time....I don't let go of his hand as I keep crying.

My tears are mixture of pain and happiness. Happiness because I've literally heard everything I always wanted to and the best part was he said it, Ashton said it. I remember how I was hoping when I came to Brown that my life would completely change but I was ignoring the fact that I was only defending myself by making myself believe and lying about my own feelings that I had forgotten him, that it had been a year and I didn't care when all I cared was about him and each day when he was with me in this room, whether he was just a few inches apart or sitting on the opposite side, everytime I suppressed the urge of being next to him and feeling that way all over again. I knew I wouldn't be okay and even when I should hate him, I just got more attached to him but everyday I would lie to myself by reassuring myself that I was moving on when actually I was never and after this... after what all he just said I honestly don't know what will happen if he leaves me again.

I know he loves me and I love him so why this complicated fucked up story? why can we not just be together? because as sad as this might sound, my heart isn't strong enough to feel the pain all over again of loosing him when I know I deserve more. I've had my best and worst times with him and I wouldn't want to change a single moment but I'm not prepared for what's next. Yes I'm afraid because no one told me life would be this way.

My tears don't stop and I feel warm hands cup my face as I slowly open my eyes. My whimpers coat the air and he stares at me, unable to move I shut my eyes to somehow prevent the tears from falling.

"Tess it's okay" He speaks in a thick tone and I see tears brimming his eyes.

"No it's not. what happened why are you leaving? Whatever you said was it true? about the sex tape?" I ask, hoping he would elaborate and something dark flickered in his eyes, giving me an answer. My heart raced as I sat up straight, in order to hear something no girl would ever want to.

"I'm sorry" he says as his chest tightens and his head falls on my lap. I rest my head on top of his, wanting to steal a moment which I knew wouldn't last long.

"I don't want to leave" I hear him say in a low voice, with a tad bit of seriousness.

"Then don't" I say immediately and he shifts a little. Knowing he wanted to move I remove my head, letting him come face to face with me. His eyes have lost all the warmth they once held and now were coated with darkness.

"I can't not leave." He pauses and then continues to explain "The video" he quietly whispers as hurt flashes in my heart.

"Have you seen it?" I ask him although praying he hasn't and no one else has.

"Nope but he sent me" he says and I hold back my tears that were appearing at the corner of my eyes.

"Please tell me what happened, why did he do this and how does that relate to you?" I beg him wanting answers because I need to know and if I didn't get them today, I knew I never would.

A spasm of torture and pain contorted his face and he swallowed hard before recounting the conversation of Dylan and him to me. Gulping, my eyebrows furrowed as I listened to him, telling me about how he had got the video and then Dylan blackmailed him to send it to everyone if he didn't leave Brown. His smouldering eyes avoided contact with mine and were glued to the bed the entire time. As secrets revealed one after the another and I continued to listen to him, making me realise that I'm a fool to let anyone in thinking they actually care when they don't.