Kavi One Shots

There [T]

All possible triggers will now be marked with [T]. This one isn't as triggering though.

Kirstie Maldonado's POV

I wonder what it's like to be dead. Is it to feel free? To laugh but cry? To feel the breeze, watching my family wonder where I am, why I haven't visited for awhile? To know that police are looking for you, to know that people could care, but don't? Or to realize that everyone isn't as they seem once you're there?

There.

Where's there?

Is it the heaven that Christians believe in? Is it Gan Eden that Jews do? Is it The Fields of Aaru in Egyptian Mythology? Is it Vaikuntha to Hindus? Is it Tir Na Nog to Irish Mythology? Or is it the Otherworld in Celtic Mythology?

Where do people like me go? Do we go to our belief's "heaven"? Do we go to into an endless sleep, wondering when we'd wake up, only to find out we won't ever? Do we just go into a non existence, as if we never had in the first place?

There.

There.

Is it everything everyone dreams of? Or is it everything we all had nightmares about?

What is there and when do we go there? Is it really when we die, and is it a place? Or is it when we sleep, and it's not a place, but something else? Is it our minds at night when we're crying, but only to suddenly fall into an unrealistic yet completely real mindset that you can't escape until your body allows it? Or is it everything everyone really said it was, and you weren't as happy as you thought you would have been when you arrived?

Is it the cause of sadness, fear, anger, hope, or doubt? Or is it pure happiness?

Is anyone there? Will there be anyone there?

And that's what I want to find out. To escape this reality and to find out what there is. To know, for once.

***

Avi Kaplan's POV

Imagine — just imagine — what it would be like if you woke up one day, but didn't see the beautiful person in your arms like you usually did. What it would be like if your stomach dropped the moment you woke up, in pure fear, wondering where they were or why they had left. Wondering if they're okay, but you know in your gut that they just aren't.

And so when I got off of my bed, being a little quiet just in case, my worry intensified as I trotted to her room. Her room.

I opened the door lightly, expecting to see a fast asleep Kirstin in her own bed. But I didn't find that. Instead, I found a slip of paper on her bed and an opened window, letting the wild wind in the room. I walked to the note, picking it up, noticing how cold it really was at the moment as I read the first three words.

Dear my Avi,

Hi there. I'm so full of questions, huh? So I've decided to get answers. To finally find out the things no one has. It's just that I won't be able to share my answers with the world, and that's okay. I think I want to keep this to myself, anyhow. Except I want to tell you — to tell you everything. But I can't, because I will not have that ability once I do.

But for now, I'll tell you this John Green quote: I am not a mathematician, but I know this. There is an infinite between zero and one. There's point one, point one two, point one one two, and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there's a bigger infinite set of numbers between zero and two. Some infinities are just bigger than other infinities.

And Avi, I may have been your infinity, and you sure as hell were mine, but I think I need to find out how many infinities there really are. So I present to you, my love for you, Avriel Kaplan. Do not bother trying to find me, as I am going to (or was going to) make sure that you'd never find me, despite my constant want of you to. I know it will be hard for you, and so I will not tell you anything. Don't fear, don't cry, don't be mad. I will be back soon, but you'll be the one visiting me, and hey, maybe you'll even have a bigger infinity holding your side and staring into your hazel green eyes with pure love and happiness as I watch with just a little bit of jealousy and happiness for you. Hey, I still love you. And I won't stop.

Just promise me one thing, Avi. Promise me you won't ever stop loving. Promise me that even when I'm gone, you will not stop loving anyone else. You can even find a new person to love, but do not stop. Just don't love the wrong people, Avi, and we'll be okay.

I kind of figured you'd have woken up in the middle of the night to read this, waking up from a sleep and then wondering where I went, only to find this. I know it's a lot to take in, I'm sure of it, but I need answers and you need a break from my questions. It'll be a win-win for both of us, alright, Avi? I love you so much.

And like I said, I'll never stop. I'll find myself some answers on where 'there' is, or what it is, or when it will happen to human-kind, and when you're also there with me, I'll spill everything out about the simplicity of what, where, and why there was there. Because I know you want to know, and you deserve to.

Kirstin Taylor Maldonado
(or, as you called me, Kit)

I didn't really know what to do. I kind of just stood there, sighing deeply, and walked up to her windowsill. It wasn't that late, maybe four in the morning, but at that moment it seemed like time lost itself as Kirstin left. I touched the sill, closing my eyes and imagining she was right next to me, that she wasn't gone or dead or missing. But that she was there, and I was here. But there is why she left. So I won't imagine that. For her.

***

a/n:: another sad one shot coming up #soon lmao