Run

Homegoing...

Sina

I sat in the living room of my mama's house as I awaited for her to finish getting ready for service. My back rested against the couch as I took my geek frames off and ran my hand down my face. The only feeling that followed me around was bittersweet. It's been a week since my yungin lost his baby sister and it was still such a tender feeling to us all. The only thing that kills me more is the fact that my mind continues to replay that day over and over. It all happened so fast that it's damn near unreal, there she was, asking me if I had some candy and not too long after she was hit by a stray. Goes to show that a bullet has no name on it. I leaned forward, clasped my hands together and gazed down at the floor. No one is putting the blame on me but I know where I stand in all of this, the blood is and will forever be on my hands, if they want to believe it or not. Them niggas pulled up because they knew where my yungin lived and not where my spot was. They wanted my head, not my niggas. I'm the one who knocked off Dre, my yungins only had my back but at the end, it was all me and I have to live with that but ain't no living without deading each and every last nigga that took shots at us and that's on God.

As I went deep into my thoughts I heard my mama speak but didn't catch what was said. I gazed up at her. "What was that mama?", I questioned as I put my glasses back on.

"Let me fix your tie so we can get going.", she said as she awaited for me to stand up.

Without speaking another word, I stood to my feet and walked over to her. She began adjusting my tie as she gazed at my face. "How are you feeling?", she queried as she continued adjusting my tie.

I sighed before speaking. "I'm feeling the same but I'm as good as I'm going to be for the time bein. Just feelin bad for my yungin and his moms, I know it's killin them down to the core.", I said as she finished up and took her hands away from my tie.

She nodded. "I understand that you feel for them, they are going through a rough time but listen here, you need to be strong for Aaron, hear", she said as she palmed my cheek and let her thumb rub up and down before taking her hand away from my face. "Well, let's get going, we don't need to be late.", she said as she flattened the collar of my black blazer.

She grabbed her purse from the table and swung her strap over her shoulder. I walked over to the door and walked out as she followed behind me. She locked and closed the door as I walked down the stairs of the porch and made my way to her SUV. I opened the door of the passenger's side and got in. I made myself comfortable in my seat as I kept the door open because it was humid inside and she hasn't got in to start the car yet. I sighed as I gazed straight ahead, at nothing in particular. It's just hard trying to cope with where me and my mama were headed to. She finally made her way to the car and with that she got in.

She gazed at me. "Yung, close the door and put on your seatbelt.", she said as she started the engine.

I didn't say a word, I only did what she said followed by letting the window down to let out the humidity that her car held. I let my head rest against the headrest and with that I closed my eyes. She turned her radio on to WPRF 94.9 FM, a gospel station. "I need you now" by Smokie Norful sounded through the speakers and as the song carried on, I felt tears brewing through my closed eyes. I lifted my glasses, pinched the bridge of my nose, followed by a sigh. I opened my eyes and took my glasses fully off before running my hand down my face.

My mother gazed at me for a quick second before placing her gaze back on the road. "I know baby, I know how you're feeling.", she said.