The Drummer || a.i [completed]

49 - if you love me

let me go

guys, you know a really good song to listen to with this chapter? If You Don't Know, of course :P

*tavie's pov*

I had no clue what to even think. I just had to get out of there. I can't believe I was the last to know. Obviously Cassidy knew, now all of the muttering to herself made sense, but the boys had kept it from me for this long, I couldn't believe it. I thought I meant more to them than that.

If I had known, it would have given me more time to prepare for them to leave. It would have given me more of an opportunity to accept the fact that they were leaving me, and I wanted to accept it. I needed to accept it, they weren't going to stay on my account. Keeping it from me was a purely selfish act on their behalf, and now it was sprung on me in almost the worst way possible. 

They kept it from me for two weeks. Luke kept it from me while we were together, Ashton kept it from me during our sleepovers, Cassy kept it from me while she was comforting me, and Calum kept it from me while we were being best friends. Michael... well, Michael told Cassy.

How exactly could this have been beneficial for them? They kept it from me because, well, I suppose because they were afraid of my reaction. My reaction could only get more extreme the longer they kept it from me.

For fourteen days they acted as if everything was as normal. How could they do that to me? This morning Ashton asked me to a school dance, as if we could go as slow as ever. We could slow dance, perhaps there would be a kiss at the end of the night and my heart would flutter and I'd know that we had all the time in the world.

But we don't. We never did. He knew the whole time that we didn't have endless amounts of time, he knew that we would have to part when he went on tour, and I didn't want that. I never wanted to be the girlfriend at home, paranoid that every day he could be cheating on me, forgetting about me.

I couldn't have that.

I collapsed on my front steps that led up to my front door. I sat down and rested my head against the railing, tilting my head up and staring at the clouds in the sky. Huh. That one looked like a guitar, and that one looked like an amplifier, and that one looked like a drum.

"Tavie?" A soft voice interrupted my cloud-gazing, and my eyes fell upon my best friend with blonde hair.

I smiled at her. "Hey, Cassy," I replied, and she took that as an invitation to sit down next to me. I leant my head on her shoulder and she put her arm around me comfortingly. A single tear rolled down from my eye and others threatened to spill over my bottom eyelid.

"I'm sorry, Tavie. The boys are too. They were just so afraid-" she attempted to apologise to me, but I shook my head.

"There's nothing to apologise for. I understand that they didn't want to tell me. I don't need to know their reasons, as they are personal to them and I could always argue against them; as everyone has their personal views on things. I have a right to be upset, and I know leaving the house may have been an overreaction, but it was the only thing I knew to do at that point. I had to leave, or I may have got angry, or even cried in front of them. I don't want them to see me crying because of something they have to do," I explained what I was now thinking to her, and she seemed to understand.

She sighed and nodded. "I really am sorry, though. I wanted to tell you so badly, but the boys said-"

I cut her off again. "I know. I know, Cass. And it's okay, I promise," I assured her with a smile as soft as the instrument-shaped clouds up in the sky. I knew that she would have wanted to tell me, I was her best friend and she was mine, and she would have felt so guilty when I was crying over Luke and she knew something about all of them that I didn't; something that affects me in such a life-changing way.