The Drummer || a.i [completed]

64 - one step closer

to being, two steps far from you

Am I supposed to know what to do? Am I supposed to have the answers?

I lie awake for hours staring at my ceiling, trying to know what I can do about Ashton. I'd wasted three study days now, and I had another exam after today. Aaron had sat outside my door for two hours yesterday, talking to me through the block of wood separating us. I don't know if I listened.

I missed Ashton. I think that just the knowledge that we were so close to being over was making me want to cling to him tighter, but I knew that I had to tear myself away so I could see reality. Ashton and I were toxic.

I heard Aaron come back from his exam. I wanted to be able to get up and ask him how it went, but I couldn't get out of bed. Not until I had an answer to the inevitable question I would be getting from my boyfriend the next time I saw him.

Tears started streaming from my cheeks, because suddenly I knew the answer. I was dreading having to face him because I knew what I had to say to him.

I stood up and unlocked my door, running downstairs to hug my brother. I wrapped my arms around him and he was surprised at first, but quickly relaxed and hugged me back.

"You know what you have to do?" He asked in a murmur. I nodded as I cried into his chest. He sighed and squeezed me tight. "You'll be okay, Octopus. He'll understand. I think he already knows."

He knew alright. I had managed to make sense of most of what he had said to me in the park three days ago, and I knew that he had been putting me first. It made me realise that I had to do the same. I had to finally put myself first. I was never going be happy trying to save a relationship I'd already lost.

Aaron put his bags away and grabbed some money before taking my hand and leading me out of the house, making sure to pick up his keys on the way out. We walked side by side, following his nose to his favourite take-out place. It was obscure, I'm not going to lie, but the food was good. We hadn't done this for a while, and nostalgia hit me as we ordered our favourites and wondered back home with them a little while later.

I looked up at my twin brother, smiling widely as the smell of our favourite food followed us down the streets. Aaron always managed to cheer me up if I needed it. Yes, he could be overbearing, but that was all I could fault him for, and it still originated from his love for me. He was the best brother I could ask for, and someone who I could rely on, but who could also rely on me. 

"You know, I have bets with my friends about who you'll end up with. So far, two thirds of us are winning," he grinned at me, the physical embodiment of mischief.

I rolled my eyes. "Of course you do," I sighed before continuing, "who are the other third betting on?"

His eyes skirted away from me, and he seemed almost bashful. "Calum."

A memory from when Aaron was in the hospital, after Ashton had put him there, surfaced to my mind's eye. He had told me that I should be with Calum. 

I know that Irony was laughing at me right then.

I had been horrified at the idea, but right then a relationship with Calum seemed like a relief. How easy would it be, compared to Ashton or Luke?

I shook the thought from my mind and smiled at him.

"And I guess the other two thirds bet on Ashton?"

He just looked at his feet, seeming even more uncomfortable than he had been two seconds ago, if that was possible. I bet he was regretting bringing this up...

"No... also Luke..." he chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

My eyes widened. "Okay..."

Thankfully we were back home, and I collapsed on the sofa with a sigh of relief. Oh how I loved lazy days with my brother.

"You know, if you do end up breaking up with Ashton, one of my friends has a crush on you," Aaron wiggled his eyebrows at me and I laughed at the sheer fantasy of what he had just said to me.

"And you would be okay with one of your friends dating me?"

He laughed with me. "Probably not. But he's a good guy, I trust him, I guess," he smiled at me.

Wow, Aaron must be going insane. A few years ago he'd literally made his friends swear an oath in blood promising that they wouldn't develop crushes on me.

It didn't work. One of his friends managed to sneak notes to me for a whole six months before Aaron found out and pretended he was dead for another six months.

"Okay, well, that means a lot, Aaron, thanks," I giggled and hugged him before getting out our food.

We sat watching trashy tv shows and laughing at the overacting kids on the screens. After a couple hours, I stood up and sighed, looking down at my brother with a soft smile.

"You're not going to go tell him now, are you?" He looked at me with a frightened look on his face.

I laughed and shook my head. "No, of course not," I replied. Ashton had an exam tomorrow, I wasn't heartless. I didn't want to throw him off. "I've got to go start revising. I've got four days worth of revision to cram into one day and," I looked up at the clock on the wall above the sofa we were watching, "three hours."

He nodded. "Good luck," he said, laughing at me under a serious expression. 

I rolled my eyes at him and wandered upstairs. I sat down in front of a messy desk, the surface covered in equations, quotes and all sorts of what looked like a different language to me right then. I ended up spending ten minutes revising before falling asleep in my chair.

I spent most of the next day panic-revising, trying to cram stuff into my head before the exam in less than 24 hours. Aaron put food in front of me three times that day, but had to take it away because I was not eating it. Eating would mean less time to study last minute. Yes, I was a procrastinator, but when I finally got round to working, I was hardcore.

After six hours sleep - an amount I had carefully scheduled so I wouldn't start hallucinating in the exam - I went into school hoping I would be able to avoid every single person I was even vaguely friends with.

Of course, it wouldn't turn out that way. I sat down in the library to do some more last minute revision and saw Ashton out of the corner of my eye. I stood up and tried to get out of the library as quick as I could, but I felt a hand grip my wrist before I could get to the door.

I stiffened, inhaled and turned around. "Hi," I said, trying to hold back tears that threatened to appear just from seeing him.

"Octavia, what's going on?" Ash asked, looking into my face as if my expression could give him an answer before my words could.

"I need to go, Ash. Can we talk after my exam?" I murmured, looking at the floor.

He let go. "Okay. Can I come to yours? At seven, maybe?"

My eyes flitted up to meet his and I nodded. "Sounds alright, I'll see you then," I replied, and quickly hurried away to revise for the next hour before the exam.