Complicated People, Complicated Love

Right

Maya

       It hasn't been easy that's for sure. I have to avoid Lucas who tries to talk to me everyday. And Riley asks me questions that I have to avoid all the time. She doesn't understand.

     I'm at Riley's house and everything is going fine until she asks yet another question. I look down and sigh.

       "Just tell me why, Maya. You were so happy and now you never even smile, it's been a week!"

      "Sometimes the best way to stay close to someone you love is being just a friend. Nothing more nothing less,"

      Riley looks at me like I'm crazy and I go back to fiddling with my hands in my lap.

       "We would have broken up eventually, I'm just getting it out of the way. It's better for everyone,"

       "How is breaking up now better than taking the chance that you guys might last. Even if you don't you can enjoy right now,"

         I lay down on her bed, next to her. "It would hurt even more if we broke up later in life, we would get too attached,"

       "You're saying you're not hurting now?" Riley asks. I raise my hands up to my face and groan. "I don't want to talk about this anymore,"

       "But Maya-"

      "I'll see you tomorrow," I get up and climb out the window into the darkness. I manage to get into my room and close the window before the sob escapes my throat. I miss him so much. I just want to be back in his arms and stay there forever. I want to sit on his coach and yell at the tv with him in our pajamas. I want him to call me baby and then I'll get angry with him and tell him to stop. I want him.

       I crawl onto my bed slowly with my eyes shut and just let it out. I hadn't cried since the break up, trying to convince myself it was the right thing to do. But when you're not with somebody, it helps you remember all the reasons you want to be.

      I know I did the right thing for Lucas, he deserves someone so much better than me. I just have to take time to heal, and then I'll be fine. We both will.

     But right now I'm just going to cry, hold Fudge to my chest and imagine he's here with me.