Blue Skai

21 ● Nothing To Feel Guilty For

"You don't like him!" Juliet yelled at me for the umpteenth time, referring to Jesse.

Kai wasn't speaking to me at all. He drove back home without me.

When Juliet and Corey saw me walking back home, they picked me up and used that opportunity to come into my home.

I wasn't sure if Kai had filled them in or someone else did but they heard about the kiss regardless. I knew the news would spread as easily as butter on toasted bread.

Jesse kissed me and I let it happen. I wanted to feel as though it wasn't really my choice but it was, and I'm not sure if it was the right one.

I needed to push Kai away, for the best. It just doesn't feel right. My subconscious is waving red flags, I'm not sure if hurting Kai is the best way to go. I have to convince myself that it is the only way to go if I do care for Kai.

"I do," I said quietly, my eyes fixed on my phone, scrolling through my Twitter.

Corey had gone over to Kai's immediately we got home. So it was just me and Jul.

"Okay but what you should ask yourself is 'is he really worth losing Kai for?'" She asked.

"No what I should really be asking is 'why is Kai mad?' I'm not his girlfriend. Not like I cheated on him or something," I shrugged as I picked at the caramel popcorn that sat right next to my lap.

"God! You are so stupid, Sky!" She squealed in frustration. "I have never seen any guy love you the way he does. He'd literally risk his life for you."

"Well isn't that how best friends are? I'd risk my own happiness for him too. It's what we do."

It's what I was doing. Maybe we shouldn't be doing that.

Look how it has made us make a mess of ourselves.

I wanted nothing more but to go over to his place and have a fun pillow fight with him. Or just argue on what movie to watch. I wanted us to be the best friends that we were supposed to be and not something else.

But even if I tried, his mother had made it pretty clear. She doesn't want me around her son.

"Skylar he loves you as something more--" Juliet started to say.

"Don't be silly, Juliet," I almost choked on my laughter "He has over a handful of prettier girls at his disposal. He just sees me as a sister he has to always protect."

"You'd be crazy to not have noticed it," she looked at me like I was delusional.

Before I could ask 'notice what?', she had already started giving an answer to my question.

"He always wants to be around you. When he's not, all he talks about is you. Takes every opportunity he gets to touch you, whether it's just fingers touching, or licking your stupid face goodbye. Or when he kissed you cause of a 'dare'. And when he kissed you without any games or anyone else watching. Not to talk about the way he looks at you when he tells you 'I love you' or when you're not looking at all! Kai might not even know he's in love with you or how deep in love with you he is. It's as clear as day, Sky."

Wow!

When she was done, she herself had to take a moment to breathe in and out. Catch her breath.

Those were normal things. He was my best friend. It shouldn't be seen as something else. I did not want to believe her though deep down I could not ignore her point. I gulped. If Juliet was right about Kai and he was in love with me even just a little bit, I would've just made the worst mistake I could've ever made.